Allow Yourself Some Happiness

 Wow. Here we are again. Is it just me, or does time feel like it’s moving faster every year? It seems like only yesterday I was sitting in this same spot, thinking many of the same thoughts.

Christmas has a way of inviting reflection. For some, that’s comforting. For others, it carries a quiet sadness. I’ve often puzzled over the melancholy that can settle over me like a blanket during the Christmas season, even in the middle of all the festivities.

I’ve shared this story before, but it still resonates. As a kid, I remember being at family gatherings with uncles, aunts, and cousins. Singing carols was always part of the day. During those songs, I noticed one particular uncle who often had tears in his eyes. I didn’t understand it then. I do now.

I don’t spend much time singing carols these days, but even a song on the radio can trigger the same response in me. It’s been said that music creates a pathway to reflection. Maybe that’s it. Or maybe it’s the shorter days. Or memories of loved ones who are no longer with us. Or the hype and heightened expectations of the season. Or the loneliness that can feel sharper when everyone around us seems especially joyful.

I suppose I could just say “Bah humbug” and leave it at that. But that’s not my intent. This is simply an acknowledgement that certain times of year stir nostalgia and sadness in many of us.

The good news is that there are also things that bring comfort and joy. I think there’s a song about that.

The following poem is one I like to share at this time of year. Maybe I’m drawn to it because it touches on three areas I work with often: stress management, conflict, and family relationships.

Enjoy. And make it a good one.

Put your problems on probation
Run your troubles off the track,
Throw your worries out the window
Get the monkeys off your back.
Silence all your inner critics
With your conscience make amends,
And allow yourself some happiness
It's Christmas time again!

Call a truce with those who bother you
Let all the fighting cease,
Give your differences a breather
And declare a time of peace,
Don't let angry feelings taint
The precious time you have to spend,
And allow yourself some happiness
It's Christmas time again!

Like some cool refreshing water
Or a gentle summer breeze,
Like a fresh bouquet of flowers
Or the smell of autumn leaves,
It's a banquet for the spirit
Filled with family, food and friends,
So allow yourself some happiness
It's Christmas time again!
                                Bob Lazzar-Atwood

Just One More Week

 I suspect that title caught your attention. It sounds a bit like I’m counting down the days to something wonderful. Like I’m waiting with bated breath for a big event. Maybe even Christmas. And for a moment, some of you might be thinking, Well good for him — a little holiday cheer.

But if you know me at all, you might already be questioning that assumption. This time of year tends to land heavy for me. And I know I’m not alone in that. The days are cold. Snow settles in and doesn’t seem to leave. The trees are bare. The daylight shrinks a little more each day. Some days it feels like it disappears altogether. Sunshine becomes more of a rumour than a reality. If Vitamin D were a crop, we’d be reporting a total failure.

George Harrison seemed to understand that feeling when he wrote Here Comes the Sun. Life had been wearing on him. Things weren’t as simple as they used to be. In his autobiography he wrote, “It seems as if winter in England goes on forever; by the time spring comes you really deserve it.” No, I haven’t read the book. Chatgpt is a wonderful thing.

So what is it about this season that brings so much gloom along with the snow? We blame the weather. We blame the darkness. We complain about winter dragging on forever even though, technically, it has barely begun. More than a few of us, myself included, would happily fast-forward through December if that were an option.

And then there are the expectations. The so-called festive season arrives with a long to-do list: buying gifts, attending parties, putting up decorations, preparing meals, hosting gatherings, making sure everything feels “special.” We have to do this. We have to go there. We have to make it magical, especially for the kids. Somewhere along the way, what we’d like to do quietly slips to the bottom of the list. It gets exhausting.

The lights go up. The music plays. Commercials promise magic, if only we’d spend a hundred dollars here, or a thousand there. Put up the tree. Hang the lights. Turn up the volume. Surely the feeling will follow.

Which brings us back to the contradiction of the title. You probably thought I was building toward some excitement about Christmas. And then I grumbled my way through it. So what on earth could I possibly be excited about a week from now?

The winter solstice. The days start getting longer. That’s it. That’s the big event.

I have a system for surviving winter, and it comes in three basic blocks. First, the solstice, proof that the darkness has peaked and we’re heading in the right direction. Next, the end of January, when daytime temperatures usually start to inch upward. And finally, March, when you can see the end and almost feel spring in the air.

So yes, just one more week. I can do this. Now to work on my Christmas spirit.

Want to stay connected? Visit my website here: https://www.gerryfriesen.ca/

The Limitations We Place on Others (and Ourselves)

 Yesterday, while aimlessly scrolling through social media, I came across a quote that stopped me in my tracks: "People will try to put the same limitations on you that they put on themselves."

I read it, scrolled on, but then something made me pause. There’s truth in it, but it felt a little judgmental. The wording suggested blame, as if someone was deliberately projecting their limitations onto you. So I reversed it in my head: “I put the same limitations on others as I put on myself.” Suddenly, it made more sense. And, of course, later in the day, I experienced exactly that.

This winter I have the opportunity to do some traveling to talk with farming groups about mental wellbeing. One of those invitations takes me to Gander, Newfoundland. As I quickly realized, getting there isn’t the easiest journey. It requires careful planning and, if I’m honest, a level of stress I hadn’t anticipated.

Here’s another piece to the story. Over the past few years, I’ve become more uptight about traveling. In years past, planning a trip was simple and even exciting. Airports were gateways to adventure, and flights were just another part of the journey. These days, the thought of flying sends my anxiety into overdrive. And now, there’s an added layer: my wife retired earlier this year and wants to travel with me.

In the past, I would have simply found the quickest, cheapest, and most efficient way to get somewhere and back. Now, with my wife involved, the planning process becomes a collaboration. And booking airline tickets online can test the patience of even the calmest person. So, tensions were high before we even began. Full disclosure: it was me. My stress quickly escalated, and before long, the conversation deteriorated to the point where both of us felt like walking away.

As I scrolled through endless flight options, losing my way on the website and ending up with routes that would take me anywhere but Gander, I realized something. I needed an attitude adjustment. This happens sometimes, usually too late in the process, but better late than never.

I stopped and reflected. My wife was approaching this as a trip, something to be experienced, perhaps even enjoyed. I, on the other hand, was trapped in my old way of thinking: get there, do my job, get back home. Cheap, fast, efficient. But not necessarily pleasant.

Once I recognized the difference in perspectives, everything shifted. We talked openly about what we each wanted from this trip. Suddenly, we became more adept at working together, even the website seemed easier to navigate.

It hit me then: I had been putting my limitations on my wife. My stress, my anxiety, my rigid expectations, weren’t just my own. I had unconsciously projected them onto her. By acknowledging it, I could let go of those limitations and approach the planning, and the trip itself, with curiosity, openness, and maybe even a little enjoyment.

This little episode reminded me of a simple truth about life and mental wellbeing. Our frustrations and anxieties often spill over onto those around us. Sometimes it’s subtle, sometimes it’s glaring. But when we pause, reflect, and shift our perspective, we not only free ourselves, we create space for connection, understanding, and collaboration.

So, as I continue planning this winter’s trips, I’m carrying that lesson with me. I’m trying to remember: the limitations we feel are often our own And the ones we place on others? They can be unlearned, one thoughtful conversation at a time.

Want to stay connected? Visit my website here: https://www.gerryfriesen.ca/

What Defines Us: Beyond the Negatives

 When someone asks, "How are you?" or "How has your year been?" our minds often gravitate toward the negatives. We recall the stress, the losses, the disappointments, and the moments that challenged us. It’s as if our struggles have a louder voice, overshadowing the quieter, more subtle triumphs. But do these negatives truly define us, or have we simply grown accustomed to letting them take center stage?

I’ve reflected on this tendency, particularly through the experience of my own experience with mental illness. Being open about my struggles has been both freeing and necessary. It’s part of who I am. Yet, I often wonder: is that the full picture? Does my mental illness define me, or is it just one thread woven into the fabric of my life?

Negativity has a way of sticking. It’s like Velcro, clinging to our thoughts and resurfacing when we least expect it. Positive experiences, on the other hand, often slide off like water on a duck’s back. When someone responds to the same questions with positivity like “I’m doing great,” or “It’s been an amazing year, we sometimes react with skepticism. We might think, "It must be nice," inadvertently sinking deeper into our own negative narratives. This reaction says more about our internal dialogue than about the person sharing their joy.

Acknowledging hardships is important. It validates our experiences and helps us process emotions. But dwelling solely on the negatives can create a distorted view of reality. It’s like reading only the sad chapters of a book and assuming the whole story is bleak.

So, what do we want to define us?

Perhaps it’s not about ignoring the negatives but balancing them with the positives. The resilience we build, the small victories we achieve, the moments of connection and joy, are just as defining as the struggles. When I think about my own journey, yes, mental illness is part of it. But so is the courage to speak openly, the relationships I've nurtured, the work I've done, and the growth I've experienced.

Imagine if, when asked how our year has been, we paused to consider the full spectrum of experiences. What if we highlighted not just what went wrong, but also what went right? The lessons learned, the kindness received, the strength discovered in unexpected places.

We are complex beings, shaped by both light and shadow. Our challenges are chapters, not the entire book. At the end of the day, we get to choose which parts of our story hold the most weight. I choose to be defined not just by my struggles, but by how I've grown through them, the people who’ve walked beside me, and the hope that keeps me moving forward.

So, the next time someone asks, “How are you?” take a moment. Acknowledge the hard parts if you need to, but don’t forget the good. Because you are more than your negatives. You are the whole story.

It May Not Be Too Good to Be True, But It's Good Enough

I was involved in a webinar recently  with The Do More Agriculture Foundation to talk about all things mental health and in particular my own journey. We discussed my alias, The Recovering Farmer, and what that really meant. If we look at the definition of recovering, it means to return to a previous level of health, prosperity and equanimity. After I explained where I am at with that (health, prosperity, and equanimity), I made the comment that I am still in recovery and will be for the rest of my life.

After the webinar, a participant reached out and thanked me for that comment, that I am still in recovery and will be for life. It gave her encouragement knowing she was not alone and could relate to that. That got me thinking about something I had written some time ago but never posted on my blog.

I was watching a TV show where a couple was discussing their friends’ marital relationship which was not doing well. In an effort to explain their own relationship, the husband said “it may not be too good to be true, but its good enough.” Instantly my mind went to my mental health and I drew a comparison: my mental health may not be ‘too good to be true’, but it’s ‘good enough’. Let me explain.

This winter has been a season of discovery—again. I say ‘again’ because, like so many times before, I’ve found myself searching for ways to improve my mental health, hoping to feel better, hoping for something that finally ‘works.’ And as the months have passed, I’ve come to a realization: good enough might be the best I can achieve.

At first, that thought felt like I was giving up. But the more I sat with it, the more I realized that accepting ‘good enough’ isn’t about settling—it’s about being realistic, being kind to myself, and recognizing that progress doesn’t always look like perfection.

For years, I searched for the one thing that would fix everything. I wanted that breakthrough moment, the magic bullet that would make the struggle disappear. Every time I tried something new—whether it was therapy, medication, mindfulness, or another strategy—I hoped it would be the answer. And every time I realized that none of them were perfect solutions, I felt like I had failed. I also realized again that high expectations lead to future resentment or in my case, feelings of failure.

That feeling of failure was discouraging. I’d get frustrated, wondering why nothing was ‘working.’ I’d hear stories of people who turned their lives around with one decision, one treatment, one mindset shift, and I’d wonder what was wrong with me. Why wasn’t it that simple for me?

What I’ve come to understand is that there is no magic bullet. There never was. And expecting to find one – and only one -- only made the journey harder.

Once I let go of the idea that I needed a single, perfect solution, I started to see things differently. Maybe I wouldn’t find one answer, but I had already found many things that helped in small ways. Some days, those things worked better than others. Some days, I still struggled. But instead of looking for the ultimate fix, I started focusing on what actually helped, even if it didn’t solve everything.

I realized that ‘good enough’ was still movement in the right direction. And that mattered.

There are things that help me manage my mental health—not perfectly, not permanently, but enough to keep me going. Writing has given me an outlet. Talking with others who understand has helped me feel less alone. Humor has let me laugh even on the hardest days. Therapy has provided guidance. And as my doctor told me, often  it’s a compilation of all the small things that shift the mindset. None of these things are the answer, but together, they are an answer. And that’s enough.

I used to think that anything short of feeling great wasn’t good enough. But now I see that feeling okay—feeling better than before—is still a win. Accepting that has lifted a weight off my shoulders. Instead of feeling like I’m failing, I see that I’m managing. And that’s something to be proud of.

Let me be clear. This is how I experience my journey. It may be different for others. If you’ve ever felt like you’re searching for an answer that doesn’t seem to exist, I hope you can take comfort in this: You don’t need a magic bullet. You just need what works for you, even if it’s imperfect. Keep using the tools that help, keep seeking new ones, and keep reminding yourself that progress isn’t about perfection.

It may not be too good to be true—but it’s good enough. And that’s more than enough for me. 

Hacked and Hooped

 My wife and I had made plans to get away for a few days—a little escape from the usual chaos. We even booked a resort that offered a spa pass. Now, I’m not much of a spa guy, but somehow, I got roped into that part of the deal. I could say more about it, but for the sake of my dignity, I won’t.

The plan was simple: I had a mediation in the morning, and then we’d hit the road. Bags were packed, the car was ready, and my wife was looking forward to a few days of relaxation. What could possibly go wrong? Well, as most people know, the best-laid plans are really just an invitation for disaster.

When I walked out of my mediation, the office staff approached me with a look I can only describe as concerning. Had I, they wondered, meant to send everyone an email in the middle of the mediation? Unless I had suddenly developed the ability to mediate and type at the same time, the answer was a hard no. That’s when it hit me—I had been hacked. Or at least, my computer had.

In a flash I knew what had happened. The day before had been busy with lots of tasks that needed completing. Late afternoon I received an email that looked legitimate from a trusted contact. To save myself some embarrassment I will just say the rest is history.

Suddenly, the relaxing getaway took a backseat to digital disaster control. I rushed home to find my wife, bags in hand, ready to hit the road. Unfortunately, we weren’t going anywhere until I sorted out the cyber mess. Thankfully, I had an IT guy who answered my distress call.

Now, let me tell you, watching someone untangle a hacked computer is about as enjoyable as watching paint dry. It took an excruciating hour and a half to wrestle control back from the faceless hacker who had so rudely hijacked my email. It’s terrifying how easily these cyber bandits can infiltrate your system and create havoc. By the time my IT guy declared victory, I felt like I’d just run a marathon in the middle of a heatwave.

With the crisis (mostly) averted, we finally hit the road. My wife drove while I tackled my next task: sending an apology email to everyone who had received the nefarious message from my compromised account. I stopped counting at 125. Nothing says “relaxing vacation” like issuing a mass warning about cyber fraud from the passenger seat.

Technology and I have always had a complicated relationship. Any IT issue sends my stress levels skyrocketing. On one hand, I’d love to throw my computer, my phone, and every other device through the nearest window. On the other hand, I have to admit, these gadgets do make life easier—when they work. Quite the paradox.

At the time, it felt like a disaster. But looking back, I realize these stressors always seem like the end of the world in the moment. The key is to take a deep breath, tackle the problem as soon as you can, and move on. More often than not, the stress fades quicker than expected, and there’s always a lesson to be learned. In this case, I learned, again, that stress can cause distractions which can cause issues. Oh, and maybe be careful on which emails I open even if they seem to be from a trusted contact. In the end, the stress of being hacked faded faster than I expected. The getaway turned out to be just what I needed—though I still have mixed feelings about the spa.

The Hidden Risk: How Mental Health Impacts Farm Safety

 Canadian Ag Safety Week serves as an important reminder that farm safety isn’t just about machinery, equipment, and protocols—it’s also about the people who make farming possible. The reality is that farming is one of the most dangerous occupations, and while we often focus on the physical risks, we rarely talk about the hidden danger: mental health. When stress, anxiety, and exhaustion take hold, the consequences can be just as serious as a mechanical failure.

I’ve experienced this firsthand. I remember many occasions when I was working on the farm, distracted by various stressors, and safety became secondary. One day, when I needed to get some baling done, the tractor wouldn’t start. In my haste, I did what many have done before—I took a screwdriver to direct-start the tractor at the starter. What I failed to check was whether the tractor was in gear. It wasn’t. The moment it started, it lurched forward. Thankfully, it was in the lowest gear, giving me just enough time to step aside. That moment still sticks with me. It could have ended very differently, and I often look back and think, "That was too close for comfort."

When stress, anxiety, and depression set in, they impair our ability to make sound decisions. Fatigue leads to slower reaction times, distraction increases the likelihood of mistakes, and unchecked stress can cloud our judgment.

Farmers deal with countless factors outside of their control—commodity prices, weather, equipment failures, and market uncertainty. This constant unpredictability wreaks havoc on our minds, leaving us feeling powerless. And yet, the pressure to “push through” remains. There’s an unspoken expectation in agriculture that you work until the job is done, no matter the toll it takes on you. But at what cost? When exhaustion sets in, mistakes happen. A missed step, a moment of inattention, or a delayed reaction can turn into a life-altering accident.

The culture of farming has long been one of resilience, but resilience doesn’t mean suffering in silence. We need to start having open conversations about mental health in our farm communities. Checking in on our neighbors, employees, and family members is just as important as checking the oil in our tractors. A simple, “How are you really doing?” can make a world of difference.

That’s where organizations like the Manitoba Farmer Wellness Program (MFWP) come in. MFWP provides accessible mental health support tailored specifically for farmers. Seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a proactive step toward ensuring both personal and farm safety.

Mental health isn’t just a personal struggle—it’s a safety issue. A farm can’t run without its farmer. If we truly want to prioritize safety in agriculture, we need to start by taking care of ourselves and each other. So this Ag Safety Week, let’s commit to looking out for one another. Because without the farmer, there is no farm.