There Are No Pictures

I spend a lot of time golfing with a couple who live just up the street. The two of them golf together on a regular basis. It is interesting to see. There are certain dynamics in that relationship that we could all learn from. It is common practice, at the end of a round, to shake hands with the rest of your group. This couple, regardless of circumstances, regardless of how the round went, will give each other a kiss. As much as that would be a good practice for all couples I am not sure I know many that could pull it off.

He has a down to earth, realistic approach to golf. He knows all the techniques. He follows golf closely, reads all the golf magazines. Tries to learn from what he sees and reads. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. But he sticks with it. She, on the other hand, has a different approach. She has her own pars that she guns for. The 11th hole at Kingswood is a tough one. It is part of a four hole stretch that is sometimes referred to as Amen Corner. It used to be the 9th hole before changes were made to the “track”. So her par for the hole is 9. If she gets 9 or better she is ecstatic. If it is worse than 9 she just mutters “amen”.

The other day, when she showed significant excitement after one hole, he gave her a dry look and suggested that there are no pictures on the scorecard, just memories. I chuckled. Then I thought about it and, in my usual way, drew a life lesson out of that.

We often take pictures to go along with our memories. Whether it is at a wedding, on a vacation, at family get-togethers, when nature shows off her beauty, or many other occasions when life gives us a Kodak moment. However, there are times when a camera is not available, something happens to fast to snap a picture at just the right moment. For an example, try taking a picture of lightning. We miss the moment and are left with only memories. Trust me. Sometimes that is a good thing. I can only imagine some of the pictures I would have if a camera were always around. It would bring back memories of events that are best left forgotten. Those embarrassing moments. Those “oh crap” experiences. Sometimes a poor memory is a good thing.

You know that certain left hander that I have often referred to in the past? The guy that I used to compete with, or at least tried, in a weekly golf outing? The one that found out last fall that he had cancer? The good news is he had surgery and is cancer free today. He has struggled this year to get back on the golf course. But like I knew he would, he fought back mentally and physically to overcome his setback and get back on the course. He went out by himself this last week and, wouldn’t you know it, got a hole in one. That’s the good news. The bad news is he was by himself. I recall last year, when I spent many an hour by myself on the golf course, thinking it would suck getting a hole in one if nobody was there to witness it. The feat is the same. The memory will always be there. However, that is an experience that is most fulfilling if it is witnessed by others, particularly your usual golfing buddies. I am betting he wishes that he had a picture. A video even.

Life gives us many memories. There are good ones. There are bad ones. The key is being able to filter out the bad ones and focus on the good ones. Sometimes we need reminders of the good things that have happened in our lives. To forget about the bad experiences. And if we are lucky, we have pictures, not just scorecards, to bring back the good memories. Make it a good one.

Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head

How many remember that song? Quite a catchy tune. Found out this morning that this song is typical of many of the songs I know. I can sing along but never take note of the lyrics. I suspect I could probably sing along with this one if I heard it on the radio but when I printed off the lyrics I was rather surprised. The lyrics, as a whole, seem rather disjointed. I think I get the message but the cadence (now there is a new word for you) seems off. The word, as defined by the dictionary, means a recurrent pattern. Not sure whether that helps. I am sure my left handed musician friend knows what I mean. Often when you read poetry there is a certain flow to it. The lyrics in this song do not have that flow.

However, there is a message in the song. The message simply speaks about someone who seems to be tired of the rain. Tired of the blues that come with the rain. Talks about a conversation with the sun. Telling the sun that “he’s” not doing his job. Telling us that just because the rain keeps falling there will not be tears. Just keep smiling. “Cause I’m never gonna stop the rain by complainin.” It would appear that the composer is referring to life. Perhaps he has had an inordinate amount of challenges in his life. He seems to be tired of the challenge. Would like the rain to stop and the sun to shine. Hey, I think I can relate.

Heard a good saying the other day. “Some people feel the raindrops and some people just get wet.” I recall as a child wanting to run and play in the rain. It was refreshing. Even today there is a certain beauty to rainfall. The dark clouds that move in. The sound of rain on the rooftop. The fresh smell in the air. It settles the dust. And when the sun comes out after a rain shower even the birds seem chirpier. It livens things up. It is almost like a new beginning.

I have felt overwhelmed by some situations I am dealing with. It has created some unwanted feelings. Feelings of anxiety. Feelings of inadequacy. Forced me to do an inventory. Had to say no to some work. Had to really push myself to wrap up a few cases. And suddenly it was like the sun coming out after the rain. I felt better. I felt refreshed. The clouds had moved. It felt like the birds were singing again. A day or two after my feelings improved I ran into another challenge. But it was manageable. I did not run from the raindrops. I let them fall on me. I got wet but didn’t mind. I was reminded again that “we do not see things as they are we see them as we are”.

As I wrap up these thoughts I can see rain clouds approaching. It has been very hot. The grass looks brown. We could use some freshening up. Grain producers are concerned. What looked so promising is now becoming a challenge. So we need the rain. And when life hits us with rain, when we feel overwhelmed, take a minute to pause and feel the rain drops. Don’t just get wet. Always remember; “life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to dance in the rain”. Make it a good one.

A Tim Horton’s Start

What is it about coffee? Why do I feel the need for coffee first thing in the morning? What is it about that black, bitter liquid that gets me going every morning? (inject sound of me taking a sip from my third cup) Do you ever take the time to look at a coffee carafe which has sat idle for a day with yesterday’s leftovers? I don’t get it. I remember back on the farm we would drink instant coffee. Crank up the hot water tank so it was hot enough. It was quick. But I also remember what the cups looked like after a while. Like I said. I don’t get it.

I remember growing up we had a rule in our house. We could not drink coffee till we were 12. Not sure what was magical about that age. Perhaps it was the old myth about it stunting your growth. Stunting your growth? If that is really true me thinks there is a health issue and we shouldn’t drink it at all. All my friends could drink coffee whenever they wanted. Not fair. See? I have been scarred for life. Let me think. Perhaps their growth was stunted.

I have always enjoyed Tim Horton’s. I hear people debating which coffee is better. Not sure that I have a strong opinion on that. Not that long ago I had three of our kids with me on a quick trip to the city. They wanted a Starbuck’s. Okay. I had never tried their coffee so I agreed. Went through the drive through. Ended up paying twenty bucks for four coffees. That seems rather excessive. Actually that seems rather obscene. Way beyond my pay grade. To top it off the coffee was not good. Actually what I like about Tim’s is their muffins. More specifically, their raisin bran muffins. Although each time I order one of those I just know the cashier is looking at me and thinking there is another old f%#t that’s not regular. So it may have some added benefits. I still like the taste. That is my story and I am sticking to it.

Early yesterday I ventured out for a round of golf. I had sat on the deck and enjoyed my coffee in the company of my wife. I had visions of grandeur. I could feel it. I was going to have a great round. But the start was not that great. Found water on the first hole. Found water on the second hole. Not what I had hoped for. Not what I had envisioned. When I finally finished the second hole one of my playing partners looked at me and commented that I had had a Tim Horton’s start. Made no sense to me. What the heck was he talking about. The he explained. I had started out with two double bogies. That meant I had had a double double start. Just like a lot of people like their Timmie’s. Two creams, two sugars. Those that spend hours in a Tim’s line up will understand.

Life is like that. Sometimes when we get up in the morning we have visions of a great day. Then things go wrong. How often do we just simply say it’s going to be a bad day and carry on with that attitude? Yesterday I kept the faith. I knew I could still recover after two bad holes. And to a degree I did. Shot what seems to be my average round. So that meant there were some good holes. So I didn’t par the course. But it was a beautiful day. An enjoyable round. Now all I do is think about what if. That is not good either. I need to think about the next round. Enjoy it. Think big. Think positive.

As for Tim’s and coffee? Perhaps I need to revisit that one. Do you know that when you hit the age of 50 you have spent the equivalent of 5 years waiting in line? What a waste. And coffee? Not sure of any nutritional or other benefits. But I still like it. Make it a good one.

Pat Yourself On The Back

I sat in on an interesting session on self-care this week. It was a reminder of what we all need to do to live life to its fullest. We often talk about how busy life is. Not simple, the way it used to be. We are constantly on the run. Making it from one commitment to the next. Nothing is ever good enough. We can always do better. Our expectations for ourselves are out of this world. Our expectations for others often become unrealistic. We try so hard to keep up to the Jones’.

There is some irony in that. Keeping up to the Jones’. What are we really trying to achieve? What do we really know about the Jones’. (My apologies to anyone reading this whose name is Jones) We know nothing about them. Outside appearances don’t tell the real story. Did you ever watch the show Keeping Up Appearances? It was funny. In a comedic way that show symbolizes what many of us do on a daily basis. Try and fool the people around us. Try to get them to think we are someone we really are not. It is tiring. Interestingly enough when you google the show the first thing that pops up is Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Now, wouldn’t that be a challenge. Pretty sure I don’t want that.

In our discussion, at our monthly support group meeting, we talked about stress relievers. One of the challenges given us was to think of something we felt we were good at. Excuse me. Think of something I am good at? Would that not show arrogance? The first thing that came to mind was the person who once informed me he was not arrogant, he just had a certain level of abrasive self-confidence. Sounds like arrogance to me. Anyway, back to trying to think of something I am good at. In my mind, of course, I thought of many things I am good at. But nothing I would ever dare say out loud. At least not with people around. The group leader asked us all, individually, to share our thoughts. I saw a lot of participants nervously looking around. Fidgeting in their seats. No one wanted to talk. Finally I quietly suggested that I was a good listener. Instantly qualified that by saying my wife would probably not agree. Gave a nervous chuckle. Then hung my head. That was tough. Did I really think that? Did I really say that out loud? Then I thought, Heck yes. I am a good listener. I have to be in my line of work. I take pride in that. As I should. I patted myself on the back. It felt good.

Many of us that face challenges become despondent and question our sanity, our abilities, our self-worth. One person I like golfing with will often say, after a bad shot, “I am such an idiot”. Not true. Nobody is an idiot. Sure, we make mistakes. We screw up. We wish things could have been better. We wish we would have made better decisions. But hey, we all make mistakes. The key is to get up, dust ourselves off and carry on. We all have positive qualities. We all are worth something. And instead of dwelling on the negative dwell on the positive. Go ahead. Pat yourself on the back. And always remember, if the grass on the other side of the fence looks greener it is probably on a sewer field. Or, as has been suggested by my son, grass is greener where you water it. Some truth to that. Make it a good one.

Nothing Runs Like A Deer

I am sitting in my office on a dreary Saturday morning, listening to the rain fall. Wondering what to do today. I had plans. But, of course, the weather will change those plans. I know, all of you are thinking the plan was to golf. Not so. Not this time. Although I did get an invitation for a game. Wait a minute. Had an invitation to go last night. One for this morning. And another one for tomorrow. How cool is that. In the last year or so I was becoming accustomed to playing by myself. Not so this year. Being in a new community has its benefits.

You need to know that I declined the invitation for this morning. I was going to help my brother-in-law help my father-in-law. Annual tractor show. Although I am not into antique tractors I knew this was an opportunity to help out. An opportunity to meet old friends. You see, the tractor show is in a community we lived in thirty years ago. And, obviously, gain some much needed brownie points. But, I suspect, the show will be canceled. My wife just suggested it would be a good day to clean up the car garage. Not what I had hoped for.

Okay. So I said that I am not into antique tractors. I will admit that I love hearing old, two cylinder John Deeres. Not sure why. They actually give me flashbacks to another time. You see, my father was a grain farmer. We farmed about 700 acres. Nothing big. But 700 acres none the less. One year my father decided we needed another tractor. I remember neighbors having nice tractors, with cabs, air conditioners, and duel wheels. So of course my imagination went wild. Soon we would be in that bracket as well. Well, things turned out different. My father came home from an auction with a Model R John Deere. A two banger. It had a cab. No air conditioner. No duels. Talk about a fantasy going right out the window. And to think, we just bought a John Deere lawn tractor. Paid close to what my dad paid for his Model R.

The new to us tractor did provide one benefit. It meant we had to have a bigger deep tiller. We went to a 12 footer. Think about it. A whopping 12 feet wide. We thought it was huge. Now picture this. The fields we had to work with that massive deep tiller were 160 acres. That means they were half a mile by half a mile. So I would head out to the field on a smaller tractor, because I did not have my drivers yet, fire up the two banger, and away I went. I would go up and down that field all day. We had to remove the back of the cab to get some air circulation. All that did was create a dust trap. It was hot. It was dusty. It was loud. And it was boring. No radio. Which was a good thing because we would not have been able to hear it anyway. All we could do was think. And with the noise and dust even that was difficult. At the end of the day I would look back at the field and it was difficult to see whether I had actually made any progress. Then it was off home on the other tractor. All to do it again the next day. And they say those were the good old days? Me thinks not. No wonder I need therapy.

How things have changed. Now we live in an era of big tractors, sound proof cabs, GPS, humongous air seeders, high clearance sprayers and other high tech equipment. Farming has become so complicated. So has life. Could we not make life simpler for ourselves. Think about it. Perhaps those were the good old days. Now, I suppose, it’s off to the garage. Perhaps if I get that done quick enough I can watch some golf on TV. After all, it is the U.S. open. Make it a good one.

When You Hit A Good Shot

Finally our infamous spring winds have died down. There were some days that it felt like every shot on the golf course was against a gale force wind. Became quite a challenge. That seems to have changed. Had a couple of really good golf days. And they are becoming more frequent. All is good. The basement project is finished. Many more items on the “to do” list. Nothing to urgent. I can start taking advantage of the golf course.

As I have lamented about before, I had some struggles with my golf game. Swings that used to come naturally seemed to have left. I blamed it on the wind. I blamed it on sore muscles. I blamed it on not playing enough. I had lost my intensity. Last week I was playing a round (two words) with a friend when I did hit a good shot. I made the comment to him that there was nothing to the game of golf. He quickly responded by saying someone once told him that just because you hit a good shot you should not start thinking you are good. Talk about a quick trip back to reality.

I was golfing with the kids yesterday. One was struggling with his game. Actually turned out that both of them were struggling. He ended up getting a birdie on a hole. His attitude changed in a heartbeat. I told him the same quote I had heard earlier in the week. Brought him back to reality too. Then he looked at me and said that, at the very least, I should let him bask in the joys of a good score till he screwed up the next shot.

You know me. I started drawing comparisons to life. I seem to need to find a life lesson in everything I do or see. How often do we experience struggles in life. Hit a bad shot. Have a bad score. Happens often. But we recover. We know we are better. And so we carry on trying to do better. And often we do. But, there are times when it seems that this round of golf called life is just one bad shot after another. We see all the hazards. We see the potential for disaster. We don’t swing freely. We tighten up. We hold back. We lose our confidence. And just like golf, when that happens, we have even more trouble.

Many of the people I deal with are facing just that. They have become spooked. They have lost confidence. They know that there is trouble around every corner. It seems that nothing will ever go right again. I can relate. I have been there. It becomes a struggle. It is debilitating. Even when something good happens we always know it is like the calm before the storm.

There is a second part to this. We must also change our way of thinking about ourselves. Sometimes it is okay to think we are good. It is okay to pat ourselves on the back. Otherwise we run the risk of becoming neurotic. We lose our self-esteem. We feel even worse about our failures.

But I also know that there is hope and there is relief. Just like my golf game, I know that with continued effort, with a pile of resilience, we carry on. I know that tomorrow I may hit a few bad shots but I also know that I will hit some good ones. And when I keep my head down, when I swing with confidence, when I visualize something positive, I will play better. So go ahead. Pat yourself on the back. Swing with confidence. It will work out. This morning I only had one double bogie. Things are improving. Oh no. There I go thinking I am good. Disaster lurks. But I am going to have fun. Make it a good one.

The 90/10 Rule

I am getting ready for another support group meeting. We will be focusing on stress management. I suspect some will question the necessity of covering that topic, again. It is good to have refreshers. It is good to be reminded. I need to utilize stress management tools on a regular basis. A large part of stress management is recognition. The better we are at recognizing stress overload, the sooner we realize that our life is out of balance, the sooner we recognize that our emotions are not right, the sooner we can deal with it and regain a sense of control, a sense of balance, a sense of peace.

Each time I prepare for this topic I find myself looking at how stress affects us physically, emotionally, socially, and mentally. I suspect many of us can relate to headaches, fatigue, anxiety, frustration, a lack of perspective, loneliness, and confusion. These are but a few of the signs of stress. Often times we will dismiss aches and pains as something that just happens. I often find myself saying its age related. How often do we find our emotional gas tanks empty? We need to work on whatever it takes to keep “gas in the tank”.

I discovered a new way to deal with physical aches and pains. Due to a lot of physical work I have done lately, I was experiencing intense muscle aches. Sure, I can deal with the aches and pains. But what I find difficult to accept is when my golf game suffers. I was finding that I could not swing a golf club normally. Not good. It was becoming increasingly frustrating. Couldn’t keep away from the double bogies. I finally let my wife make an appointment for a deep muscle massage. Not sure whether the massage left me feeling better because it actually works or whether it hurt so bad it was a relief when it was done. Interesting, to say the least. But, I survived. That same evening I played a round of golf. Right from the outset I noticed that my swing seemed to be much more fluid. Perhaps there is hope. But I digress.

What really hits home is when I see how behaviors change when stress is experienced. We become reckless. We become verbally abusive. We have unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others. There are more and more idiots on the road. Wait a minute. That is just my road rage kicking in again. I do notice, however, that when I am feeling stressed, feeling under pressure or upset with something going on in my life my tolerance level goes way down. I really need to keep watch over that.

Stephen Covey writes an interesting piece on the 90/10 rule. His thought is that only 10% of life is made up of what happens to us. The other 90% of life is decided by how we react. Really? Think about it. It makes sense. He uses an example. You are eating breakfast with your family. One of the kids is careless and spills juice on your shirt. You have no control over that event. What happens next will be determined by how you react. You get angry. You yell. You upset the family. Causes stress in everyone else whose agendas for the day get messed up because of that one incident. Your kid misses the bus. You are late for work. Nobody can do anything right. In short, the day is a disaster. Imagine now if you had responded in a gentle manner. Accidents do happen. Life could have been much easier. In essence, approximately five seconds of your life dictated the rest of the day.

Sounds like stress to me. So the 90/10 principle is simple. It is a matter of practising it. Just remember, it is not the event but rather our reaction to the event that causes stress. It could change your life. Take it one day at a time. Make it a good one.