Since the start of this blogging project I occasionally run into a time when I can think of little that seems interesting. Not sure what that is a sign of. Does that mean that life is boring? Or does it mean that my mental state is not where it should be? I really don’t think it is either one. I have lots going on. Both with a house project and also work wise. So I should be able to write something. But it just is not happening. On occasion I will ask friends or colleagues for topic suggestions. Sometimes that works, other times not so well. One of my faithful followers sent me an email yesterday telling me that my blog needed to be updated. In other words, post a new one. Something fresh. I responded by asking him for a topic. He gave me an idea. Something I have pondered over the last few weeks.
Do you find yourself hurrying through life? Do you find your main goal to be making money? Worrying about whether there will be enough for retirement? Do you take time for yourself? For your family? What do you enjoy about life? How do we establish what is important in life? How do we set priorities? Good questions.
From young on we are programed to give our all. We look forward eagerly to starting school. We want to turn sixteen so we can drive. We anticipate graduation. We jump into college. We are taught that to be successful we need to work hard. We strive to climb the ladder. To reach the top. We have a family. We have to work harder to provide. Retirement is within sight. Will we have enough money? We work a little harder. Earn more. Our parents and siblings are getting older. But we don’t have time for them. We have things to do. Maybe someday. And then we die.
I am reminded of the song Cat’s In The Cradle. A song made famous in 1974. It’s a beautiful song. I have always enjoyed it. Take the time to listen to the lyrics. Tells a sad story. It’s the story of a father who is too busy to take the time to play with his son. To take part in family activities. And as the boy grows up he models his life after his father’s. “I’m gonna be like him, yeah, you know I’m gonna be like him”. Then the son leaves home, the father grows old and wants the son to come for a visit. However, now the son is too busy. A sad story indeed.
Ever notice that when people have life changing events happen in their lives their perspective on life changes. I deal with people who have been involved in traumatic car accidents. People who have faced and experienced financial ruin. I have friends who have lost loved ones. Friends who have and keep struggling through health challenges. What used to be important no longer is. And what has become more important never was.
STOP. Take a moment to think. Is what you are consumed with today going to matter tomorrow, next week, next year or when you are old? Take a moment to visualize your life when you get to be seventy or eighty years old. What do you think will be your biggest regret? Not enough time with family? I could have left that work and enjoyed more golf? We should have taken that trip? Why did we not spend money on that? Now live the rest of your life accordingly. I refer, again, to my wall hanging that says, “The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it”. Make life changes before life changes. Make it a good one.
The Recovering Farmer
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Friday, May 4, 2012
When Is Enough, Enough?
After a somewhat less then stressful day I sat back and watched local news. I saw something that saddened me to no end. It shook me. A story that began in the last year but seemingly does not end. The story of a little boy, his sister, a family and tragedy. It made me wonder. When is enough, enough? How much can one person, one couple, one family possibly bear?
The story began when a two year old boy was diagnosed with leukemia. A thought that sends fear through all of us. How is that fair? How can that happen? But, as we all know, it does happen. It started a battle. A battle against an unknown enemy. A battle that can be won but far too often is lost. The parents had the courage. They had the love. They were going to make it happen. They pulled up their family and moved from Northwestern Manitoba to live near the hospital in Winnipeg. They began the treatment that comes with cancer. They had hope. The little guy fought hard. It appeared that they were winning. Then right around Christmas they got the news they had hoped they would not hear. Little Larsen had a relapse. Like a knockout punch, it sent the parents reeling.
I spent some time in talking to the father in January. I had just finished a presentation on stress management. Already I could tell that he was utilizing many of the tools I had just presented on. But, I felt helpless. How could I possibly help someone that had experienced so much. Much more then I could possibly fathom. I felt inadequate. I let him talk. I listened. It was obviously a difficult time for them. As we went our separate ways I commended him for talking. I challenged him to keep talking, to find his supports. I wished him well.
Tonight, as I watched the news, I saw another chapter in the story unfold in this ongoing tale of sadness. Last week they found out that Larsen had relapsed, again. Another devastating blow. When is enough, enough? So they packed up and went back to Winnipeg. More time at the hospital. More tests. More pain. The good news, his sister is a perfect match for a bone marrow transplant. His sister is a few years older than him. Will she understand? What does she have to go through to do this? More unknowns. More fear. More anxiety. How does one ever explain this to kids so that it makes sense to them.
And if that is not enough. Shortly after their return trip to Winnipeg, the family found out that their house had burnt. A house that they had just built four years ago. Destroyed. All their belongings gone. A few pictures saved. When is enough, enough? On their Facebook page the mother says they are so thankful that no one was hurt in the fire. That their priority is to get Larsen cancer-free. In a press conference they talked about their situation in a very calm manner. Amazing resilience. Puts things into perspective.
So at the outset I asked a question. When is enough, enough? I didn’t answer the question because the more I try the more I am left to wonder. Lives have been changed and continue changing. This family has experienced so much. Makes me feel guilty for not feeling satisfied with life. Makes me feel thankful for what I have. Here is wishing the family all the best as their journey continues. Here is hoping that enough is enough. Here is hoping that they find ways to cope, to survive, to face another day. To cope as individuals, as parents, as a brother, as a sister. And most of all I hope for a recovery for little Larsen.
The story began when a two year old boy was diagnosed with leukemia. A thought that sends fear through all of us. How is that fair? How can that happen? But, as we all know, it does happen. It started a battle. A battle against an unknown enemy. A battle that can be won but far too often is lost. The parents had the courage. They had the love. They were going to make it happen. They pulled up their family and moved from Northwestern Manitoba to live near the hospital in Winnipeg. They began the treatment that comes with cancer. They had hope. The little guy fought hard. It appeared that they were winning. Then right around Christmas they got the news they had hoped they would not hear. Little Larsen had a relapse. Like a knockout punch, it sent the parents reeling.
I spent some time in talking to the father in January. I had just finished a presentation on stress management. Already I could tell that he was utilizing many of the tools I had just presented on. But, I felt helpless. How could I possibly help someone that had experienced so much. Much more then I could possibly fathom. I felt inadequate. I let him talk. I listened. It was obviously a difficult time for them. As we went our separate ways I commended him for talking. I challenged him to keep talking, to find his supports. I wished him well.
Tonight, as I watched the news, I saw another chapter in the story unfold in this ongoing tale of sadness. Last week they found out that Larsen had relapsed, again. Another devastating blow. When is enough, enough? So they packed up and went back to Winnipeg. More time at the hospital. More tests. More pain. The good news, his sister is a perfect match for a bone marrow transplant. His sister is a few years older than him. Will she understand? What does she have to go through to do this? More unknowns. More fear. More anxiety. How does one ever explain this to kids so that it makes sense to them.
And if that is not enough. Shortly after their return trip to Winnipeg, the family found out that their house had burnt. A house that they had just built four years ago. Destroyed. All their belongings gone. A few pictures saved. When is enough, enough? On their Facebook page the mother says they are so thankful that no one was hurt in the fire. That their priority is to get Larsen cancer-free. In a press conference they talked about their situation in a very calm manner. Amazing resilience. Puts things into perspective.
So at the outset I asked a question. When is enough, enough? I didn’t answer the question because the more I try the more I am left to wonder. Lives have been changed and continue changing. This family has experienced so much. Makes me feel guilty for not feeling satisfied with life. Makes me feel thankful for what I have. Here is wishing the family all the best as their journey continues. Here is hoping that enough is enough. Here is hoping that they find ways to cope, to survive, to face another day. To cope as individuals, as parents, as a brother, as a sister. And most of all I hope for a recovery for little Larsen.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Surviving Stress
Farming, as we know it, has been around since the beginning of time. Over the ages it has evolved to what we see today. From small backyard hobby farms to family farms to corporations. From single, specialized operations to large diversified, multi commodity enterprises. Many of these operations have been successful and continue to thrive in today’s environment. Success, in many cases, has been measured by the ability of farmers to adapt to all sorts of demands coming forward from consumers, society and government. What farmers have had difficulty adapting to have been circumstances outside of their control. BSE in cattle, excessive moisture in consecutive years, collapse of livestock prices, volatility of exchange rates, to name but a few. So, in spite of success stories, stress has become a major part of a famer’s everyday life.
The World Health Organization lists farming as one of the most stressful occupations and is surpassed only by Mining in terms of suicide rates. In 2005 CASA (Canadian Agricultural Safety Association) surveyed 1100 farmers. Of those surveyed, two thirds described themselves as being “very stressed”. Commodity prices ranked first in creating the most stress. Although finances came second there are a host of other issues that cause stress. They include, but are not limited to, input costs, government policies, weather, workload, relationships, and uncertain markets.
I have always struggled with adapting to new technology. Whether its cell phones, computers, or ATMs, I tend to be one of the last to utilize technology that is actually supposed to simplify my life. How often as farmers do we go through the same fear and frustrations? Each year we are bombarded by offers of new technology. Technology that will increase production, decrease input costs, increase growth rates, decrease dockage, and the list goes on. The key is for all of us to try and decide what will pay and what will not. As economic challenges come our way we are left to make decisions that are difficult at best. Always second guessing, always wondering. It is downright stressful. It used to be said that “anyone could farm, that all that was necessary was a weak mind and a strong back, but nowadays to be a successful farmer a person must have a good head and a wide education in order to handle all the advice ladled out by city folk, government people and others and to select for use that which will do them the least damage.”
Second guessing becomes one of our worst enemies. Not only in making decisions about what to buy, farmers daily make a host of other decisions. Marketing the commodity grown on your farm has become very important as markets become more and more volatile and margins tighter. Unless we hit the top of the market we also second guess what we did. I remember when forward contracting became available to hog producers. The first year I used the program I “locked in” some good prices. Then foot and mouth hit the Taiwanese hog herd and my locked in prices looked terrible. The following year I locked in my hog price and then barley prices hit record highs. Got to the point where I was “spooked” and could not make a right decision. It becomes very easy to forget the age old adage that you never go broke locking in a profit. Never mind the fact that partners, neighbors and even the banker are watching. Making a wrong decision can impact relationships as the bottom line becomes ever more important.
Speaking of relationships, stress can wreak havoc on any relationship, whether with partners, family, businesses you deal with and even the community you are part of. Maintaining relationships is a challenge when our minds are consumed with weather, commodity prices, breakdowns and all the other “stuff” that hits us on a daily basis. When stress hit me and I found myself in that “foggy middle” I would ignore people around me. I would disappear to the barn and work. Imagine, a hog barn becoming a refuge and yet that is exactly what happens. Why? No phones, no creditors, no parental responsibilities, and the list goes on. And the more I tried to immerse myself in work the more the relationships would suffer. What a vicious circle. And yet relationships provide us with identity, purpose and direction.
How can we not only maintain relationships but also improve relationships when we face the stress of farming on a daily basis. We live and work in a world that is fast paced and ever changing. We hear more and more about “burn out”. We give till we have nothing left to give. Our emotional gas tanks are empty. And yet the demands on us keep coming. How can we cope? How do we avoid slipping into that dark abyss? How do we get out from the dark cloud hanging over us? How do we find balance in a topsy turvy world?
Take the time to play, to laugh, and most of all to talk. You know that kids laugh up to four hundred times a day and when we become adults that drops to twelve laughs a day. Something as simple as chatting with the person filling you gas tank or the person bagging your groceries, will help in lifting your spirits. Look for and discover your supports. They may be your partner, a neighbor, your clergy, a friend, or may be your doctor. I recall a neighbor dropping by my barn when I was going through a difficult time. When he asked how I was doing my initial response was the usual “doing okay”. Then I realized I had an opportunity to talk so I poured out my soul. It felt so enlightening to be able to verbalize a lot of the stuff going on inside of me. He did not need to provide any advice or answers. Rather he validated and normalized my feelings. Take advantage of your supports. You may be surprised at the renewed energy you have, at least for one more day.
Meeting the challenges one day at a time is a good approach to stress management. Some time ago I came across an article that challenged us to live one day at a time. It challenged the reader to NOT worry about two days of the week. One of those being yesterday, and the other tomorrow. It went on to say that what had happened yesterday could not be undone and we could not erase a single thing that had been said or done. The article also stated tomorrow is outside of our control. We can only assume what may happen and based on my experience I always assume the worst rather than the best. The only sure thing about tomorrow is that the sun will rise and set. The article suggested that “it is not the experiences of today that drive people mad – it is the remorse or bitterness for something which happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow will bring”.
I have mentioned but a few of the stressors that you may feel or experience. And as the stress mounts one stress can lead to and build on another. Stress management is key for, not only survival, but for enhancement of life in general. Klinic Community Health has some good ideas on a website at www.de-stress.ca . They refer to music, nature, humor and others as tools to help one deal with the anxieties of life. There are other resources available as well. Many areas have Stress lines or Crisis lines. Avail yourself of the resources around you. I recall a picture my daughter made for me when she was quite young. It simply said “The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon but that we wait so long to begin it”. Make it a good one.
The World Health Organization lists farming as one of the most stressful occupations and is surpassed only by Mining in terms of suicide rates. In 2005 CASA (Canadian Agricultural Safety Association) surveyed 1100 farmers. Of those surveyed, two thirds described themselves as being “very stressed”. Commodity prices ranked first in creating the most stress. Although finances came second there are a host of other issues that cause stress. They include, but are not limited to, input costs, government policies, weather, workload, relationships, and uncertain markets.
I have always struggled with adapting to new technology. Whether its cell phones, computers, or ATMs, I tend to be one of the last to utilize technology that is actually supposed to simplify my life. How often as farmers do we go through the same fear and frustrations? Each year we are bombarded by offers of new technology. Technology that will increase production, decrease input costs, increase growth rates, decrease dockage, and the list goes on. The key is for all of us to try and decide what will pay and what will not. As economic challenges come our way we are left to make decisions that are difficult at best. Always second guessing, always wondering. It is downright stressful. It used to be said that “anyone could farm, that all that was necessary was a weak mind and a strong back, but nowadays to be a successful farmer a person must have a good head and a wide education in order to handle all the advice ladled out by city folk, government people and others and to select for use that which will do them the least damage.”
Second guessing becomes one of our worst enemies. Not only in making decisions about what to buy, farmers daily make a host of other decisions. Marketing the commodity grown on your farm has become very important as markets become more and more volatile and margins tighter. Unless we hit the top of the market we also second guess what we did. I remember when forward contracting became available to hog producers. The first year I used the program I “locked in” some good prices. Then foot and mouth hit the Taiwanese hog herd and my locked in prices looked terrible. The following year I locked in my hog price and then barley prices hit record highs. Got to the point where I was “spooked” and could not make a right decision. It becomes very easy to forget the age old adage that you never go broke locking in a profit. Never mind the fact that partners, neighbors and even the banker are watching. Making a wrong decision can impact relationships as the bottom line becomes ever more important.
Speaking of relationships, stress can wreak havoc on any relationship, whether with partners, family, businesses you deal with and even the community you are part of. Maintaining relationships is a challenge when our minds are consumed with weather, commodity prices, breakdowns and all the other “stuff” that hits us on a daily basis. When stress hit me and I found myself in that “foggy middle” I would ignore people around me. I would disappear to the barn and work. Imagine, a hog barn becoming a refuge and yet that is exactly what happens. Why? No phones, no creditors, no parental responsibilities, and the list goes on. And the more I tried to immerse myself in work the more the relationships would suffer. What a vicious circle. And yet relationships provide us with identity, purpose and direction.
How can we not only maintain relationships but also improve relationships when we face the stress of farming on a daily basis. We live and work in a world that is fast paced and ever changing. We hear more and more about “burn out”. We give till we have nothing left to give. Our emotional gas tanks are empty. And yet the demands on us keep coming. How can we cope? How do we avoid slipping into that dark abyss? How do we get out from the dark cloud hanging over us? How do we find balance in a topsy turvy world?
Take the time to play, to laugh, and most of all to talk. You know that kids laugh up to four hundred times a day and when we become adults that drops to twelve laughs a day. Something as simple as chatting with the person filling you gas tank or the person bagging your groceries, will help in lifting your spirits. Look for and discover your supports. They may be your partner, a neighbor, your clergy, a friend, or may be your doctor. I recall a neighbor dropping by my barn when I was going through a difficult time. When he asked how I was doing my initial response was the usual “doing okay”. Then I realized I had an opportunity to talk so I poured out my soul. It felt so enlightening to be able to verbalize a lot of the stuff going on inside of me. He did not need to provide any advice or answers. Rather he validated and normalized my feelings. Take advantage of your supports. You may be surprised at the renewed energy you have, at least for one more day.
Meeting the challenges one day at a time is a good approach to stress management. Some time ago I came across an article that challenged us to live one day at a time. It challenged the reader to NOT worry about two days of the week. One of those being yesterday, and the other tomorrow. It went on to say that what had happened yesterday could not be undone and we could not erase a single thing that had been said or done. The article also stated tomorrow is outside of our control. We can only assume what may happen and based on my experience I always assume the worst rather than the best. The only sure thing about tomorrow is that the sun will rise and set. The article suggested that “it is not the experiences of today that drive people mad – it is the remorse or bitterness for something which happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow will bring”.
I have mentioned but a few of the stressors that you may feel or experience. And as the stress mounts one stress can lead to and build on another. Stress management is key for, not only survival, but for enhancement of life in general. Klinic Community Health has some good ideas on a website at www.de-stress.ca . They refer to music, nature, humor and others as tools to help one deal with the anxieties of life. There are other resources available as well. Many areas have Stress lines or Crisis lines. Avail yourself of the resources around you. I recall a picture my daughter made for me when she was quite young. It simply said “The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon but that we wait so long to begin it”. Make it a good one.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Make It A Good One
As all of you know by now, the house we bought borders on a golf course. Some people think we planned that. Or should I say I planned that. We didn’t. It just happened that way. As part of the move I also closed my Brandon office. We decided that I would work out of our home for the time being. We developed the office on the main floor. Now when I look out my office door I can see through our living room windows and see the golf course. Needless to say it is a distraction. As an avid, some might say addicted, golfer that is only natural. So it does happen that I will occasionally sneak out for a game. At this time of the year the course is usually empty so it can happen quickly. At, least that is how I justify it.
Of course, as soon as I start playing guilt hits. For some strange reason that is when I remember what I needed to do. Just as strange, that is when the cell phone starts ringing. Why? It didn’t ring all morning. I know you are asking, why do I have it with me? Assuage the guilt? Can’t bear the thought of being “out of touch”? So it does not take long and I can’t even concentrate on the golf. As many of you know, if you can’t concentrate, your game will go downhill real fast. Then it is no longer fun. The score suffers, you get frustrated and the more frustrated you feel the more guilty you feel. What a vicious circle. Slowly, but surely the sun does not feel quite as warm. The breeze a little cooler. Your legs a little more tired. You feel like quitting. But you’re so far from home you can’t just quit. Never mind that there is no easy way to get there. There is bush. There is a river. There are other homes. It becomes a dilemma. So I hurry through the holes. Take short cuts. And when I get back home I don’t really feel that great about my game.
How often do we treat life the same way? Too often, I say. We get caught up in the busyness. We don’t take the time to enjoy. Always feeling guilty that we should be working. We should be doing more. Always concerned we might be missing something. Guess what? Many of us are missing out on life. I saw a quote recently that went like this. “When you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round”. (Ben Hogan, world renowned golfer said those words.) How true. We only do play one round.
My golfing buddy, the one recovering from surgery, seems to have a sixth sense when it comes to my golfing. He seems to know when I sneak out there to “hit a few”. I tell him about my game via text messaging. When I complained about a few shots last week he texted me and challenged me to enjoy each shot, even the bad ones. I knew he would give anything to be out there. His words resonated with me. And as I thought about that, thought about life, thought about Ben Hogan’s quote, I realized that I needed to slow down and enjoy. Not only my golf game but life as well. Sometimes, in life, we do hit bad shots. But, like golf, we also hit some good ones. And the good ones are the ones that keep us going. Get us looking forward to the next shot, the next day, the next challenge. And here is hoping that I get to play all eighteen holes. Make it a good one.
Of course, as soon as I start playing guilt hits. For some strange reason that is when I remember what I needed to do. Just as strange, that is when the cell phone starts ringing. Why? It didn’t ring all morning. I know you are asking, why do I have it with me? Assuage the guilt? Can’t bear the thought of being “out of touch”? So it does not take long and I can’t even concentrate on the golf. As many of you know, if you can’t concentrate, your game will go downhill real fast. Then it is no longer fun. The score suffers, you get frustrated and the more frustrated you feel the more guilty you feel. What a vicious circle. Slowly, but surely the sun does not feel quite as warm. The breeze a little cooler. Your legs a little more tired. You feel like quitting. But you’re so far from home you can’t just quit. Never mind that there is no easy way to get there. There is bush. There is a river. There are other homes. It becomes a dilemma. So I hurry through the holes. Take short cuts. And when I get back home I don’t really feel that great about my game.
How often do we treat life the same way? Too often, I say. We get caught up in the busyness. We don’t take the time to enjoy. Always feeling guilty that we should be working. We should be doing more. Always concerned we might be missing something. Guess what? Many of us are missing out on life. I saw a quote recently that went like this. “When you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round”. (Ben Hogan, world renowned golfer said those words.) How true. We only do play one round.
My golfing buddy, the one recovering from surgery, seems to have a sixth sense when it comes to my golfing. He seems to know when I sneak out there to “hit a few”. I tell him about my game via text messaging. When I complained about a few shots last week he texted me and challenged me to enjoy each shot, even the bad ones. I knew he would give anything to be out there. His words resonated with me. And as I thought about that, thought about life, thought about Ben Hogan’s quote, I realized that I needed to slow down and enjoy. Not only my golf game but life as well. Sometimes, in life, we do hit bad shots. But, like golf, we also hit some good ones. And the good ones are the ones that keep us going. Get us looking forward to the next shot, the next day, the next challenge. And here is hoping that I get to play all eighteen holes. Make it a good one.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Why Write a Blog
It’s a project that started in June, 2010. Not sure why. Started on a challenge. When the Recovering Farmer website was developed my computer guy asked me how often I was going to post. He suggested that I ensure that the posts would be regular. Otherwise I would lose my audience. He was thinking once a month. I was thinking once a week. There were topics coming to mind that I knew I would have inspiration to come for quite some time. I never realized that two years later I would still be at it. There have been times when I just simply could not think of things to write about. Many of those times I found a lack of inspiration for almost anything. Work was tough. Keeping up with relationships was difficult. Life, in general, was a drag. Very often I would wait till Friday and then quickly write down some thoughts. Often I felt they were disjointed. Never very confident in my writing.
Someone asked me lately why I did it. I explained that it had started out as a challenge. In fact, if memory serves me right, the same person asking the question was the one that threw out the challenge. I would like to thank her for that. (you know who you are J) It has been something that has brought back some semblance of sanity to my life. It has given me reason to sit back and think about things that have happened in any given week. It has made me take note of special moments. I have also noted moments that were not particularly uplifting. It has given me reason to pause. It has provided a break. That special time when I put pen to paper. I always feel better after having written out my thoughts. It helps me overcome. It helps me practice what I preach. Some people journal. I write a blog. Perhaps that is why I sometimes feel that they only make sense to me.
Through the years I have also had many people tell me that they read my ramblings. There have been a few that submitted comments. So often when I have felt that perhaps it’s is time to call it a day, I hear from someone that is being helped by the blog. That encourages me. It is like I have always said. We help each other. Occasionally someone will suggest they have had a chuckle over some of my thoughts. It is good to laugh. Others have related to some of my experiences as they have similar ones on this journey we call life. Experiences. That is what it’s about. I heard someone say that “experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want’. I like that. Although it makes me wonder whether I ever got what I wanted. I seem to have a lot of experience. Perhaps that is a good thing. Read another quote that suggested “life is the crap that happens while we wait for the moment that never happens”. I think I prefer the first one.
I recall vividly the day I wrote the first one. So much has changed in my life since then. Sometimes when I retrace my steps. When I read what I wrote last week, last month or last year I can’t help but smile. Sometimes I feel that the blogs are a cry for help. Whether it’s for life. Whether it’s for my work. Or whether it’s for my golf game. Other times I notice that my life seemed to be in balance. And perhaps, that is what it is all about. Noticing a change. A positive change. And that is what will keep me going. At least one more week. Make it a good one.
Someone asked me lately why I did it. I explained that it had started out as a challenge. In fact, if memory serves me right, the same person asking the question was the one that threw out the challenge. I would like to thank her for that. (you know who you are J) It has been something that has brought back some semblance of sanity to my life. It has given me reason to sit back and think about things that have happened in any given week. It has made me take note of special moments. I have also noted moments that were not particularly uplifting. It has given me reason to pause. It has provided a break. That special time when I put pen to paper. I always feel better after having written out my thoughts. It helps me overcome. It helps me practice what I preach. Some people journal. I write a blog. Perhaps that is why I sometimes feel that they only make sense to me.
Through the years I have also had many people tell me that they read my ramblings. There have been a few that submitted comments. So often when I have felt that perhaps it’s is time to call it a day, I hear from someone that is being helped by the blog. That encourages me. It is like I have always said. We help each other. Occasionally someone will suggest they have had a chuckle over some of my thoughts. It is good to laugh. Others have related to some of my experiences as they have similar ones on this journey we call life. Experiences. That is what it’s about. I heard someone say that “experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want’. I like that. Although it makes me wonder whether I ever got what I wanted. I seem to have a lot of experience. Perhaps that is a good thing. Read another quote that suggested “life is the crap that happens while we wait for the moment that never happens”. I think I prefer the first one.
I recall vividly the day I wrote the first one. So much has changed in my life since then. Sometimes when I retrace my steps. When I read what I wrote last week, last month or last year I can’t help but smile. Sometimes I feel that the blogs are a cry for help. Whether it’s for life. Whether it’s for my work. Or whether it’s for my golf game. Other times I notice that my life seemed to be in balance. And perhaps, that is what it is all about. Noticing a change. A positive change. And that is what will keep me going. At least one more week. Make it a good one.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Hearing Words of Wisdom
I have spent a lot of time mediating in the last few weeks. That should come as no surprise. After all that is what I do for a living. I have had a few people ask me lately how I can deal with such emotional situations on a daily basis. It’s obvious, right? You seldom require a mediator when things are going well. Most of the people I deal with have experienced negative events in their lives. So talking to these people exposes me to a lot of negative energy. I have been very fortunate that I have been able to leave this negativity at the door when I get home. A few years ago a psychologist told me that whether I realized it or not I was ingesting a lot of the emotions I see in other people. He referred to it as toxic. He said it came with the job. I sometimes think of what effect my venting or unloading has on people. And yet talking “about it” helps.
Having said that, there are times when I feel frustrated. Many of the situations involve power struggles. Big corporations against individuals. I get frustrated when it appears that there is no consideration given to the human side of the story. But because my role is one of maintaining neutrality I have to try to achieve understanding. This can be difficult. So there are times I will get emails that do upset me. Trying to settle disputes via email is not conducive to achieving that understanding. I was traveling from Brandon to Winnipeg this week when I got one such email. I know. I was driving. I shouldn’t even have read it. But I did. And it got me thinking. It got me upset. I felt helpless. Unsure of myself. But I also knew that I was not going to solve the problem while I was driving down the highway. I finally switched on the radio to get my mind off the problem. Guess what song was playing? The old Beatles tune, Let It Be. What a timely message. Let it be.
I became curious as to the story behind the song. It is quite interesting to read about the inspiration Paul McCartney had when he wrote the lyrics. It seems that he was having some struggles in his personal life. A struggle with drugs and alcohol. It was prior to him meeting his first wife Linda. He was lonely. The story goes that he had a dream one night where his mother appeared and said to him “Let it be”. He took a lot of solace from that message. He found comfort. In those simple words he found the message; “be gentle, don’t fight things, just try and go with the flow, and it will work out okay”.
It worked for me that day too. Without really knowing the lyrics. Without knowing the story behind the song. Those three words gave me comfort. They helped me come back to the present. Find the center. Breath. Take control of my thoughts. I still wonder about the irony. The timing. Switching on the radio and hearing that song at that time. If you really think about it, it happens often in life. We have moments where we get subtle messages. Messages that give us pause. Messages that give us clarity. It’s a matter of hearing those messages. And when life is getting to us. When we are caught up in “life”. We need to “let it be”. Make it a good one.
Having said that, there are times when I feel frustrated. Many of the situations involve power struggles. Big corporations against individuals. I get frustrated when it appears that there is no consideration given to the human side of the story. But because my role is one of maintaining neutrality I have to try to achieve understanding. This can be difficult. So there are times I will get emails that do upset me. Trying to settle disputes via email is not conducive to achieving that understanding. I was traveling from Brandon to Winnipeg this week when I got one such email. I know. I was driving. I shouldn’t even have read it. But I did. And it got me thinking. It got me upset. I felt helpless. Unsure of myself. But I also knew that I was not going to solve the problem while I was driving down the highway. I finally switched on the radio to get my mind off the problem. Guess what song was playing? The old Beatles tune, Let It Be. What a timely message. Let it be.
I became curious as to the story behind the song. It is quite interesting to read about the inspiration Paul McCartney had when he wrote the lyrics. It seems that he was having some struggles in his personal life. A struggle with drugs and alcohol. It was prior to him meeting his first wife Linda. He was lonely. The story goes that he had a dream one night where his mother appeared and said to him “Let it be”. He took a lot of solace from that message. He found comfort. In those simple words he found the message; “be gentle, don’t fight things, just try and go with the flow, and it will work out okay”.
It worked for me that day too. Without really knowing the lyrics. Without knowing the story behind the song. Those three words gave me comfort. They helped me come back to the present. Find the center. Breath. Take control of my thoughts. I still wonder about the irony. The timing. Switching on the radio and hearing that song at that time. If you really think about it, it happens often in life. We have moments where we get subtle messages. Messages that give us pause. Messages that give us clarity. It’s a matter of hearing those messages. And when life is getting to us. When we are caught up in “life”. We need to “let it be”. Make it a good one.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Is Tiger Back?
Writing about golf in March? Bizarre. The weather this winter has been unbelievable. I went golfing two weeks ago. No jacket. Since then the weather has not been conducive for golf. I did have a tee time last weekend but never did go. The temperature dropped to 3, winds were gusting to 60 km/hr, and there were rain showers. I don’t think so. My buddy called me a wuss. (actually it was worse but I can’t print that in this family friendly blog) I suspect he would have, given a choice, preferred golfing to what he is going through. He is the one who has just had cancer surgery and is now in recovery mode. This weekend looks a little more promising.
I never thought I would write anything about Tiger. Never been a fan of his. His personal debacle over the last few years added to an existing dislike. However, this past week Tiger did win a tournament for the first time in 923 days. Considering the amount of tournaments he won previously this was an anomaly. He has experienced significant personal issues. He has had physical issues and he has had to make swing changes. It has been interesting to watch his journey. In the past, whenever I watched golf and it was obvious that Tiger would win, I would quit watching. It became nauseating. This time it was different. I knew he was not infallible. So I kept watching. Hoping for a meltdown. It didn’t happen.
As I watched him win I have to admit that I, begrudgingly, admired him for the comeback. He has faced incredible adversity. Yes, I know, most of it self-inflicted. He has persevered. He has practised. This is not about his personal life but rather about his golfing abilities. I recall a few years ago that I did a presentation on stress management. Part of my presentation usually involves my personal story. I have shared how my wife has suggested to me that she has been married to a number of different husbands. The reasoning behind this thought is the changes I have gone through. I was a different person for periods of time. Some of those “husbands” have not made very good partners for her. Financial stress, addictions, and depression wreak havoc on relationships. After the presentation a certain gentleman let it be known he was quite upset with what I had said. When I pursued that with him he drew a comparison to Tiger Woods and his non-marital escapades. Not sure I get that. I had shared an experience with the group that was personal, tragic, and emotional. He likened me to Tiger. I know this gentleman does not get it. So be it.
I have struggled with my golf game over the last few years. Just not been able to remain consistent. It has been frustrating. I have sometimes felt like giving it up. It started when I was having mental health issues. Financial issues were consuming my thoughts. Just as I was beginning to recover from that I faced some health issues. I developed cataracts. I experienced a retinal detachment. Not easy to golf when you have numerous eye surgeries during the course of the summer and the doctor says no golf. Not easy to golf when you’re blind in one eye. Next time you are putting close one eye. It was actually humorous. Not for me, for the other guys I was with. But, thankfully, that is behind me. There is something to be said about modern medicine. I can see. With both eyes. No more excuses.
There is also a correlation to be drawn with our personal lives. Many times we face hurdles in life. Often times they appear to be impossible to overcome. Often times we cry out “why me”. And yet we do overcome. We persevere. We hang in there. We move on. There is hope. There is relief. Now I have to take that to heart and practice my golf. Perhaps I can win again. Tiger did. Make it a good one.
I never thought I would write anything about Tiger. Never been a fan of his. His personal debacle over the last few years added to an existing dislike. However, this past week Tiger did win a tournament for the first time in 923 days. Considering the amount of tournaments he won previously this was an anomaly. He has experienced significant personal issues. He has had physical issues and he has had to make swing changes. It has been interesting to watch his journey. In the past, whenever I watched golf and it was obvious that Tiger would win, I would quit watching. It became nauseating. This time it was different. I knew he was not infallible. So I kept watching. Hoping for a meltdown. It didn’t happen.
As I watched him win I have to admit that I, begrudgingly, admired him for the comeback. He has faced incredible adversity. Yes, I know, most of it self-inflicted. He has persevered. He has practised. This is not about his personal life but rather about his golfing abilities. I recall a few years ago that I did a presentation on stress management. Part of my presentation usually involves my personal story. I have shared how my wife has suggested to me that she has been married to a number of different husbands. The reasoning behind this thought is the changes I have gone through. I was a different person for periods of time. Some of those “husbands” have not made very good partners for her. Financial stress, addictions, and depression wreak havoc on relationships. After the presentation a certain gentleman let it be known he was quite upset with what I had said. When I pursued that with him he drew a comparison to Tiger Woods and his non-marital escapades. Not sure I get that. I had shared an experience with the group that was personal, tragic, and emotional. He likened me to Tiger. I know this gentleman does not get it. So be it.
I have struggled with my golf game over the last few years. Just not been able to remain consistent. It has been frustrating. I have sometimes felt like giving it up. It started when I was having mental health issues. Financial issues were consuming my thoughts. Just as I was beginning to recover from that I faced some health issues. I developed cataracts. I experienced a retinal detachment. Not easy to golf when you have numerous eye surgeries during the course of the summer and the doctor says no golf. Not easy to golf when you’re blind in one eye. Next time you are putting close one eye. It was actually humorous. Not for me, for the other guys I was with. But, thankfully, that is behind me. There is something to be said about modern medicine. I can see. With both eyes. No more excuses.
There is also a correlation to be drawn with our personal lives. Many times we face hurdles in life. Often times they appear to be impossible to overcome. Often times we cry out “why me”. And yet we do overcome. We persevere. We hang in there. We move on. There is hope. There is relief. Now I have to take that to heart and practice my golf. Perhaps I can win again. Tiger did. Make it a good one.
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