I awoke this morning with an interesting epiphany. Hardly before the coffee had kicked in I went on Facebook to post what I had discovered, something I rarely do. I expressed gratitude for the friends I have. I realized that I had now hung out with myself for four weeks. I have talked to myself and argued with myself. I had come to the understanding that I probably don’t make for a good friend so felt thankful that there were still those that considered me a friend.
Truth be told, most of that was said with my tongue firmly planted in my cheek. But, perhaps, that was an early indication of what my day would be like. I knew that this isolation was getting to me. As I reflected on it I realized I had not driven my car, not been off our street for over two weeks.
In my perusal of news headlines one of the first articles I read was about a working group that was planning for a worst case scenario. A time when doctors might have to decide who gets a ventilator and who is expendable. That felt like a death knell for me, being the age I am and my less than stellar health.
I knew there was work I needed to get done. But I felt exhausted. I had a good sleep but did not feel rested. I have experienced that at other times in my life. To me it has become simple. Overwhelming stress is incredibly tiring. Constant rumination about what was, what is and what will be creates fatigue. It can be more tiring than actually do hard physical work.
Finally, in desperation, I hopped in my car and went for a drive. No destination, just wanting to get out, get away. And as happens I listened to music. First a song by the Rolling Stones with a good beat which made me crank the volume. Next a song by Nazareth that my wife and I enjoyed back in our dating days. Then a song that I felt was so timely. The Beatles’ Let It Be.
It is quite interesting to read about the inspiration Paul McCartney had when he wrote the lyrics. It seems that he was having some struggles in his personal life. He was lonely. The story goes that he had a dream one night where his mother appeared and said to him “Let it be”. He took a lot of solace from that message. He found comfort and in those simple words he found the message; “be gentle, don’t fight things, just try and go with the flow, and it will work out okay”.
I found my spirits rising as I sang along. Those three words, let it be, gave me comfort. They helped me come back to the present. Find the center. Breathe. Take control of my thoughts. I got home and felt renewed energy to carry on with life.
I still wonder about the irony, the timing, hearing that song at that time. If you really think about it, it happens often in life. We have moments where we get subtle messages. Messages that give us pause. Messages that give us clarity. It’s a matter of hearing those messages. And when life is getting to us, when we are caught up in isolation not knowing what the future holds, we need to “let it be”. Make it a good one.
“You don’t have to be positive all the time. It’s perfectly okay to feel sad, angry, annoyed, frustrated, scared, or anxious. Having feelings doesn’t make you a ‘negative person.’ It makes you human.” Lori Deschene