What’s Up With That

I realize it has been awhile since I "posted". Perhaps I have not had the inspiration I needed. As you well know that might be because of the weather. I WANT SPRING. I would love to hear feed back on what I have written below. Make a comment. I dare you too.

In the past I have threatened to but never dared go there. I have talked about it but, perhaps, was afraid to. It shaped my life, rightly or wrongly, but shaped it nonetheless. At some point I knew I would have to talk about it. In essence, what I would like to talk about has a certain importance to all of us. Perhaps this may end up with a conclusion, but don’t hold your breath. After all, what I do need to talk about is something that I have no final thoughts on. Rather it comes from someone who is still searching. And maybe that is a good thing. Find out for yourself.

There is the ongoing debate on Bill 18. I tried to ignore it, but couldn’t. I found myself getting upset. What is it with the sanctimonious, self-righteous attitude I am sensing? It does not feel right. Are we not tolerant? Are we not accepting? How does a gay/straight alliance infringe on my religious freedom? What is wrong with this picture? My confusion deepened. I wanted answers.

When I got home I found the latest publication from the church denomination I used to belong to. In it was a letter from a church that I used to be a member of. Expressing outrage. Anger, even, regarding an ongoing discussion on creation. Am I to believe that my belief in a higher being is based solely on whether the earth was created in 7 days? Does science not teach us anything? Some time ago I mentioned that this debate was creating humor in my life. Now I find myself getting upset. Really? Along with all the other rhetoric out there I am left to wonder.

Today I read an article in the Free Press about pastors in North Dakota lobbying the government to allow concealed guns in churches. They are afraid that ner-do-wells (read evil doers) will target churches. The pastor behind the petition stated that "The whole idea of a gun-free zone is inherently dangerous,". Really? I hope that no one becomes too consumed with the spirit. They might start firing their guns. Or in their haste to become judgemental they might shoot the parishioner sitting next to them. Is this the kind of society we live in? We need to carry concealed weapons? To church? Notice my cynicism?

It is downright difficult to establish any type of spirituality in this messed up world. Just over a year ago I thought I had it figured out. Then some amazing things happened which made me wonder again. House purchases that worked out better than anyone could have expected. Health issues being dealt with in positive ways. New birth. New beginnings. Then while expecting certain comments from people who might believe this stuff, getting them from people who you least expect it from.

Read some time ago that “religion is for those that are afraid of going to hell. Spirituality is for those who have been there”. Interesting comment. I meet people who have and are experiencing personal tragedy, trying to find their way. I suspect it is these types that are sending me positive vibes about a higher being. Divine intervention. People who, and I count myself one of them, would suggest they have had a taste of hell. Through health challenges, both mental and physical. People whose lives have inexplicitly changed forever, due to traumatic and catastrophic events in their lives. Perhaps it is these people that can continue to show me the way as I keep searching. They seem to be the ones that really believe. Make it a good one.

How About That

For the first time in a long time I am on the road. I mean literally. Since our move to La Salle this is somewhat outside the norm for me. Here it is Wednesday and I am sitting in a hotel in Dauphin. Like I say, it’s been a while. I remember when my wife, watching me pack my suitcase, made the comment that it had been awhile since she missed me. I think it must be my charming personality.

I have decided to go out on a limb. Ordered pizza. Delivered. Wow, living on the edge. Not only that, I ordered double cheese. Was tempted to order that one that has a wiener in the crust but resisted. Not sure I could handle that. Although tempted. My heart starts palpitating just thinking about it. Maybe next time. Not likely.

As the week goes on I find myself checking the weather more than I ever have. It appears that winter is here to stay. By the end of this week there is another heavy snowfall warning for western Manitoba. What’s up with that. No thaw in sight. One of these days it will start and then we may be in for another problem. Do I dare say the F word? I mean flood. Although there are some other F words that come to mind. I have to remember there is nothing I can do about the weather. Out of my control.

Some good news this week. My left handed friend had his semi-annual MRI and has been reassured that the cancer has not returned. Awesome. Because of a run in with a snowblower he has some work left to get back in golfing shape but that will come. Now that he can rest easy, as a result of the MRI, a positive mindset will help him get back to thinking golf, get back to getting better. As well the house buying debacle has ended on a positive note. The kids got the house. Someone suggested this week that there must have been divine intervention. Who am I to argue. Things worked out really well for them. Good stuff.

This morning we went to give them a hand with moving. It was cold. Darn cold. My daughter-in-law took one look at me and emphatically stated that I was not dressed for moving. Leather jacket and loafers. Loafers? Been awhile since I heard that one. My reward for being under dressed? I got to look after my grandson. Remind me to wear loafers again. The little guy has this ability to let me forget about all the cares and worries out there. Almost, and I repeat, almost makes me forget about the relentless winter. I don’t think he cares. I don’t think he knows. Someday, god willing, he will be an avid golfer and will watch the weather the same way I do.

With some of the discussions I have been involved in over the last year; divine intervention may be something I should be seeking regarding this ongoing debacle called winter. Just checked the forecast. Snow storm warning in effect. Okay. I really do need help. So what happens now? I know of one person who is hoping the snow sticks around because he needs some time to get other issues dealt with before he can golf. So if he is praying for this weather to stay and I am praying for nicer weather we can’t both get what we want. Quite a conundrum. Perhaps I need to change my prayer and seek divine intervention for my friend to be able to experience healing sooner rather than later. That may work. Make it a good one.

The Big Unknown

I am sure that by now you know that I will have a rant about the weather. After all it is the beginning of March and there does not seem to be any let up in sight. Winter is here to stay. Okay, granted, the temperatures have gone up some. Notice I did not say have warmed up. I just checked the records for this date and it tells me that the warmest day on record is plus 16. Plus 16? Hardly that today. In fact there is snow falling. Miami, and I am not talking Florida, got 56 centimeters of snow on Monday. 56 cms. That is somewhere north of 20 inches. Sorry, that shows my age. I can relate to inches but not centimeters.

As I had written previously I had a commitment from one of my golf friends that we would be golfing by March 29. Me thinks not. We will be lucky if we are golfing by April 29. Okay, in the spirit of trying to be objective, I am not. I keep looking out the window and seeing this beautiful winter vista. Beautiful, if in fact it was Christmas. It’s not. It’s March. Then I hear on radio that March is when Manitoba receives the most precipitation. That is not helpful. Perhaps I can go with the fact that March comes in like a lion and leaves like a lamb. What else can I base any hope on? Hope that this will change.

I know. Weather is completely out of my control. As such I need to put aside any anxiety connected to this ongoing debacle called winter. And I have. But the waiting game can be stressful. It seems that we spend so much time waiting for answers. Our kids were working on buying a house this week. So they put in an offer and then have to wait to hear whether it has been accepted. Then they need to finalize financing and so they wait again. The deadline approaches and the answer is not forthcoming. Then finally the waiting is over. My friend, the left hander, is waiting for the results of medical tests. Although the doctors always are positive, negative thoughts can and do take over. It becomes debilitating.

It is the big unknown. We are looking for positive answers. But when there are unknowns we have this unique ability to conjure up the most negative scenarios. And as we wait, as we lie awake at nights worrying, as we robotically go about our daily lives, those negative thoughts mushroom and before we realize it we are convinced that the news we are waiting for will be bad, and as funny as it sounds, even worse than a worst case scenario. It is so difficult to imagine good news. And as the stress of waiting draws out longer and longer our mental anguish can become a crisis. The point where our lives change. The point where we are convinced that life can never be the same.

There is relief. Quite often when we fall into this state we also isolate ourselves. We withdraw. We have this notion that nobody would understand. Nobody cares. That is not the case. It is important during these crises in our lives to reach out. Find someone to talk to. Find your supports. Talking helps. Even if the other person cannot provide answers, even if they just normalize and validate your feelings, it helps to verbalize the anxiety happening within. Also remember that mindfulness works. Find your happy place. Make it a good one.

Accidents Do Happen

Over the course of the last two years I have heard various stories from people who have had motor vehicle accidents. Notice the official term? Motor vehicle accident. Used to be called fender benders. I often wondered how so many people were experiencing these mishaps. Sometimes it is a slight lapse in judgement. Remember the bus from a few weeks ago? Other times it may be someone else’s mistake. And don’t get me wrong. They can be serious. They can be catastrophic. And they can be life changing.

At one point this week, as I was navigating traffic in Winnipeg, I made a comment about some of the drivers. My son was quick to point out that this was still better than Brandon. Okay, not to diss anyone from Brandon, let me explain. I used to commiserate about traffic in that fine city. I suspect I have written about it previously. My complaint being it is slow. In all lanes, going in both directions. You do not get anywhere in a hurry. I actually had a conversation with a Brandon city police officer. They were in complete agreement. Brandon traffic is slow. In Winnipeg nobody moves slowly. It is as if all of us are running late. Going in all directions. Quite often in the mornings I will see people driving in rush hour traffic with frost all over their windows. One small circle cleared through which they may or may not see things happening in front of them. But it does not slow them down. Everybody seems to think they have to get there first.

I did get into an accident this week. Okay, let me rephrase that. I did not get into an accident. Someone hit me. Still not clear how it happened. Perhaps it’s the trauma. Temporary loss of memory. I have heard of that happening. Or it might have been the fact that, as typical mornings go, I was zoned out. Thinking of the day ahead. Looking forward to my Tim Horton’s. All I remember is that without warning, it happened. Not sure whether I heard the crunch first or felt the hit. Again, in situations like that details become fuzzy. The life I never had flashed before my eyes.

Some time ago I was challenged by a colleague to view rush hour traffic as being a dance. When someone cuts in front of you, means you have a new partner. Obviously, as a good Mennonite, this creates issues for me. Dancing and changing partners? I won’t go there because most of you would question the “good Mennonite” part. What I have learned is that whether I drive aggressively or take the relaxed approach I get to my destination in the same time. And if I am relaxed about it the rest of my day goes much better.

Back to my accident. After the initial shock wore off I realized that I would survive. It could have been worse. Much worse. You see, I was in a line up at a Tim Horton’s drive through when it happened. No damage to the vehicle aside from the salt and grime covering my car. I suppose you could call that slow dancing. Not sure I enjoyed that but it did make me chuckle. Particularly the response of the other driver. I can well imagine how sheepish I would feel if I had been that driver. Oh well. Accidents do happen. Someone suggested this morning that we should practice peaceful driving. That means giving yourself enough time to get there on time. Makes sense to me. Make it a good one.

Wisdom to Know the Difference

Many of you are familiar with the serenity prayer. I have had it running through my head for some time now. Not sure when or why it started. But I have needed it on more than one occasion.

I took the opportunity last week to attend an annual district meeting for Hams. Many of you may not know what Hams is. Hams is an organization that evolved from Manitoba Pork Marketing, a group I was intimately involved in for many years. My reason for going was twofold, aside from the free lunch, of course. I wanted to meet people I had known through the years. Fellow producers, who have shown amazing resilience in facing the challenges of the industry for many years. As well, because I deal with producers in my mediation work, I was curious to see what the future might hold. I was interested to see whether there was hope for a turnaround anytime soon.

I found myself having an increased amount of anxiety as I sat and listened to the various reports. I found my mind wandering back to the days when I sat in those meetings as a producer. Back in the day I would try to glean whatever positives I could out of those meetings. Perhaps an increase in prices. Maybe feed prices will come down depending on drought conditions in the American mid west. Perhaps the soymeal crop in South America would be sufficient to put pressure on North American prices. Perhaps there will be an increase in free trade to the extent that our hog prices will rise. Perhaps production problems in other countries that would boost our prices. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

Back in the day I was also in a leadership position and I recall speaking to hog producers at these meetings. As a leader it was important to present a realistic picture yet one that could provide hope. That in itself is a fine line. And as these situations drag on it becomes debilitating for anyone in leadership positions. Many times I would wonder why I was doing what I was doing. I would question my abilities. I would wonder whether someone different could provide better answers.

Notice how, as a producer, I would be consumed with what was going on in other parts of the world? Hoping that things would change elsewhere so that I could benefit? Things that were completely out of my control? As a leader I was taking on the responsibility of an industry. Getting to the point where I was taking the blame for other producer’s losses.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change”. Many of the things I worried about were completely out of my control. There was no way that I could change that. It was then, as it is now, important for me to inventory the stress in my life and put aside those things that I cannot change and to accept the fact that I cannot change them.

“courage to change the things I can”. Now that I have put aside those things that I have no control over I can focus on the others. My list of stressors has become shorter and therefor more manageable. This eases a lot of pressure. However it does take significant courage to make some of the changes one has to make. For me it was an exit from farming. Sometimes in retrospect, I wish I had had the courage sooner. Change is daunting but can be so freeing.

“wisdom to know the difference”. It takes patience and practice. To be able to distinguish those things that we have control of. And when “stuff” happens, to have the ability, the discernment to understand when to accept a challenge or when to challenge it. Each time we do this our character grows, our emotions improve and our lives get better. Make it a good one.

Valentines Day

Dare I go here? It is early morning on February 13. I was to go to a meeting today but when I dragged my sorry butt out of bed at 5:00 this morning I had received a text, during the night, saying the meeting was cancelled. Okay, I have just varnished the truth a tad. At 5:00 this morning I actually, gently, I might add, suggested to my wife that it was time for her to get up. Just trying to help. It was actually 5:30 when I got up. For some strange reason I started singing that song, “good morning, good morning, we talked the whole night through, good morning, good morning to you”. Strange, because that didn’t happen. I mean talking the whole night through. No, really, where could that have come from?

Of course. Tomorrow is Valentine’s day. Yesterday the questions began. What are you doing for your wife on Valentine’s day? What are you going to buy her? You have a meeting here on Thursday, what are you going to buy us? Hang on a minute. Why is no one asking me what I will be getting? Is anyone bringing me chocolates? My memory isn’t that great but I don’t think anyone has ever bought me flowers, or chocolates, or diamonds for Valentine’s day. What’s up with that? Is this a gender thing? Are guys supposed to take the lead here? So many questions, so few answers.

So just to make sure I understand this, something that should have happened years ago, I googled Valentine’s day. Turns out it really began as a religious holiday. Then it morphed into something totally different. I will spare you a history lesson. It actually is rather boring. All I know is that the onus is on me to do something romantic.

When I was asked yesterday what I would be getting for my wife I became somewhat snide. In the words of one of my colleagues I became cheeky. Cheeky? Who me? As most of you know that would not be like me. Perhaps my defenses were up. I had not planned ahead for this special day coming up, when I need to express my love in ways that cost so much money and, in all likelihood, are so ineffective. After all I am a romantic, through and through. NOT.

My first response was to tell these folks that I had been married for thirty one years and so what if I did nothing special and besides that my wife does not appreciate flowers and on top of that what am I getting and besides that what is the worst thing that will happen and anyways I have something more important to be thinking about so there. Wow, almost lost my breath on that one. This is really getting to me.

Do I need to re-visit this? Perhaps. After my little rant yesterday one of the participants in this debate asked me why my wife had stuck with me all these years. That floored me. Good question. Not sure myself. That in itself is reason enough to do something special. Through thick and thin I have had a partner. I have struggled with so much crap in my life, most of it self-induced, and she has been there. Shown me the way. Helped me overcome hurdles that I had come to believe were unsurpassable. Never given up on me. Joined me on my journey. That is special. That defines a true friend. A partner. For that I will always be thankful. So instead of flowers, or diamonds, or chocolates here is a tribute to someone that has made my life special. Make it a good one.

Let’s Talk, Again

1 in 5 Canadians will experience a form of mental illness in their lives. This from Bell’s, Let’s Talk website. Apparently 500,000 Canadians a day miss work because of mental health issues. A scary thought, to say the least. The commercials put on by Bell this year paint a vivid picture. They hit home for me. Got me thinking.

I looked back and realized I wrote on the same topic a year ago. It seems to be an annual event. That in itself is a sad commentary. This should not be a once a year conversation. This should be an ongoing discussion. Mental illness is real. As stated above it is a serious problem for many. Awareness is key.

Recently I dealt with a situation that involved a person with significant mental health issues. As in most of the mediation files I work with the party on the “other” side was puzzled. How is this different from the other files we deal with? Why should we treat it differently?

Just prior to that question being asked they had explained how this person was not responding. They were not answering the phone. Mail was not picked up. Calls not returned. In my mind I just thought, “I rest my case”. It was because the person was not functioning. The stress in that person’s life had pushed her beyond the ability to cope. There was only darkness. There was no future.

It is not easy to make sense of this stuff. Not something we are used to. We need to recognize what is happening. When stress hangs around for a long period of time we begin to lose focus. We lose our ability to cope. We begin to look for change. In many cases, in sheer desperation, we look for help from above. We simply have given up on anything that makes sense. Anything that might have helped in the past. We cry for help.

Therein lies a problem. Often times we look in the wrong place. Mental health issues are not readily talked about. We feel embarrassed. Ashamed. Our self-esteem is shaken. We must recognize that we are experiencing a health issue. At one point, in talking to a client, I became frustrated. When I suggested that he needed to see a doctor, he had just described his symptoms, he wondered if seeking the help of a spiritual care giver would work. I asked him whether he would seek the help of that spiritual care giver if he broke his leg. Please don’t take that comment the wrong way. The point is that we need to recognize mental health issues for what they are. “Health” issues.

I have been reading a book that tells stories about people who have had various struggles in life. The story I read last night deals with a fellow who suffered significant abuse as a child. Although there are many details in the story, details that leaves the reader shaken, the point is made that his recovery could only begin when he began to talk about his issues. Issues that had ruined two marriages. Issues that left him feeling lost. Eventually he did begin to talk. And as he talked others talked as well. And the healing began.

There are two points here. First of all, if you suffer from any type of over whelming stress, anxiety, or depression, find someone to talk to. A family member, a neighbor, a professional. Anyone that will take the time to listen. Secondly, as part of a community, it is incumbent that we are more aware of people that are hurting. More aware of issues that are debilitating and life defining those close to us. We must all learn to talk more about mental health issues. Make it a good one.