The Recovering Farmer

Saturday, December 30, 2017


As this year draws to a close and we look ahead to the next I find myself reflecting on the year that was. I realize, particularly when I think about my blog, that I seem to have lost something that used to be so important for me. Taking the time to write is not as easy as it used to be. It appears to be sporadic at best. As much as there are those that remind me of that, part of my motive for writing was for my own, selfish reasons. I always found that if I regularly took the time to think about and write about an event in my life, an epiphany of sorts, or some other random idea, my mental health benefited. In essence it was a type of journaling which comes with an assortment of benefits.

I have been busy working on a project which involves research and writing. As part of my research I remembered I had written something a few years ago that I knew could be helpful in what I needed to write about now. What happened is I spent significant time reading some of my dithering’s going back numerous years. I decided that I needed to get back at it. So here I am, ignoring the work I should be doing, writing about something totally different and not related to my project at all. This also comes with a resolve to be more committed to the Recovering Farmer. After all, I am still recovering.

Earlier this year I was asked which time period of my life I most fondly remembered. The question took me by surprise. It made me think. I did a real quick rewind of my life. Still not sure whether it was my life or the life I never had that flashed before my eyes. Perhaps the difference is insignificant. I suspect the person who asked me the question began to think that maybe he should not have asked as he watched my face go through various contortions of pain, regret, happiness, ambivalence, and others. Ultimately he was surprised with my answer, as was I.

I realized relatively quickly that my life over the last year or so was the best part of my life. I blurted that out, had a short conversation about it, and then moved on to something else. However my answer haunted me for some time. I knew that for various reasons it had been a good year and even as I think about it now, at the end of 2017, I would still answer the same way. Personally and professionally it was a good year. The pieces all seemed to come together.

At the same time I wondered why it took me all these years to have the best year ever. But then I also thought it would be sad if the best year had been years ago and now I was dealing with something less than the best. It left me feeling confused. Somewhat lost. Then I thought that perhaps that is the way it should be. What if someone had asked me the question five, or ten, or more years ago? The answer would have been somewhat different. Not that I could ever say this about myself but I suppose if each year is better than the last, life must be good. Then again it depends on the starting point, right?

See how easily I become confused? How the most innocent question actually haunts me? What happened was that the question asked of me opened my eyes to a moment of clarity. I had so many reasons to be thankful for as I reflected on 2017. And I can honestly say if 2018 is any better, even in a small way, it will be a great year. So here is looking forward to that. Make it a good one.

“A good life is when you assume nothing, do more, need less, smile often, dream big, laugh a lot and realize how blessed you are for what you have.” Unknown