It seems that most anytime I go on social media there are reminders of some sort. I suppose along with most everything in my life these days I need reminders. And so it is with the CMHA mental health week. Its good to be reminded.
The focus this year is on empathy. I like that. I am always
reminded of, and you have heard it before, when a neighbor dropped by and
showed me empathy. It was a dark time in my life. I had been on meds for my
mental health but thought I was doing okay so went off them. Then I experienced
a traumatic event that pushed me towards the abyss.
A few days after that event, a neighbor dropped by to check
on me. That, in itself, was encouraging. For some strange reason I took
advantage of an opportunity. I began talking. And for close to an hour my
neighbor sat and listened. He did not try to provide any type of advice, but
showed understanding. He wasn’t judgemental, rather he normalized and validated
what I was experiencing. That truly was empathy. That provided the
encouragement for me to continue my journey.
Empathy simply means to have the ability to understand or be
able to identify with others. When others share with me, I have a tendency to
jump in and try to fix their issues. Often I may be judgemental and impatient.
When I do these things, I am probably missing what that person needs, just a
desire to be understood. To know they are not alone. I need to change that
approach. I must focus on understanding how the person feels and why they feel
that way. And take the time to reflect. Just like my neighbor did.
However, there is another important message in here. If you
are struggling, if life overwhelms or there is just too much stress to face
life, you also need to make sure you practice empathy for yourself. Sounds
weird, right?
If you are anything like me, you spend an inordinate amount
of time beating up on yourself. I have this uncontrollable way of letting my
mind run rampant with negative and morbid thoughts. And because I know better
than to allow those thoughts, I start bemoaning the fact that I have these
negative thoughts and that I am such an idiot for thinking them and such a
loser for thinking that I am an idiot and because I am an idiot there is no
wonder I am useless at this thing called life. Notice how quickly I can get
myself in trouble?
Try using self-empathy. The theory is quite simple. As
mentioned above, we have an innate desire to be understood by others
particularly during periods of distress. We never outgrow that. Our pain and
anxiety reduces the more others understand and care. Our physical health
improves when others show they care, when they show they understand, when they
reach out to help. Using that same principle on ourselves is just as important.
Let this week be a reminder to show empathy not only for
others but for yourself as well. Empathy promotes a feeling of emotional
connection between individuals, groups, families and communities. Make an
effort to tune in before you weigh in. Be there for others. And most
importantly, be there for yourself. Make it a good one.
