One of the questions I’m often asked is how to support someone who’s struggling with their mental health. Honestly, I find it hard to answer because, in my own journey, I’ve been the one needing support. Surely, there are others with the expertise and experience of walking alongside those in need.
And then this week I had a conversation with a friend and
colleague Merle Massie, the new Executive Director of DoMoreAg. Merle certainly
has the expertise as she has walked with and supported those that have
struggled. She gave me 3 points that she has in mind when she finds herself in
those situations and they resonated with me. With her permission I want to use
them and build my own thoughts around them.
First and foremost, we need to park what we think we know.
While this sounds straightforward, in practice, it can be profoundly
challenging. I recognize that I carry with me a collection of beliefs and
biases—formed through my experiences, shaped by my upbringing, and reinforced
along my journey. These perspectives feel natural, even essential, to how I see
the world. But should I impose them on others? Absolutely not.
Too often, I find myself realizing—sometimes painfully
late—that while my understanding may hold some truth or relevance, it doesn’t
always address the unique needs or circumstances of the person I aim to
support. My preconceived notions become a barrier rather than a bridge. This
not only undermines my ability to help but also prevents me from truly
connecting with and understanding others in their own context.
Secondly, we need to activate our of curiosity. In my
work, I often encourage people to transform judgment into curiosity,
particularly when navigating conflicts. But this principle extends far beyond
conflict resolution—it’s just as essential when it comes to supporting others.
Curiosity is a powerful tool. When we approach others with
genuine interest and a desire to understand, we open the door to deeper
connection and insight. It allows us to see beyond surface-level assumptions,
to truly grasp what someone is experiencing or feeling. Through curiosity, we
gain the ability to ask thoughtful questions, to listen without interruption,
and to appreciate the unique perspectives and struggles of others.
This shift from judgment to curiosity isn’t always easy—it
requires intention, humility, and a willingness to let go of our own
narratives. But when we choose curiosity, we create space for empathy and
understanding to flourish, enabling us to offer the kind of support that truly
meets people where they are.
Thirdly, we need to strive to be a flashlight—illuminating
the path for those who need help and guiding them where they are, not where we
think they should be. Too often, I find myself defaulting to the role of a
streetlight, shining brightly in one fixed spot and expecting those who are
struggling to find their way to me. It’s a comforting notion to think that
simply being available is enough, but in reality, it often isn’t.
This act of meeting someone where they are—of bringing the
light to their darkness—requires compassion, patience, and a willingness to
step into their world. It’s about being present and intentional, showing that
they are not alone and that there’s a way forward, no matter how overwhelming
the journey may seem.
I will never forget and will always be thankful for the day
a neighbor did all of the above for me. I was in a dark place, not sure if the
sun would ever shine for me again. He sat and listened to me that day. There
was no judgement, he normalized and validated what I was saying and by doing
that shone his flashlight on the path in front of me giving me the ability to
move forward. I know it works. It may work for you as well. Make it a good one.
