Time seems to be flying by at break neck speeds. Seems like yesterday that I wrote about the topic I am broaching again this week. It is that time of year again. The annual Bell, Let’s Talk time. I like this yearly reminder that Bell puts on to bring awareness to the issue of mental health and the importance of talking about it. I feel saddened by the fact that mental health challenges seem to be on the rise and that there is not more done about it. Based on a recent news report only 7% of the national health budget goes towards mental health. As little as I know about health care or budgets that just does not seem right. I have been a vocal proponent of talking because I know how much it has helped me. And for those who have no clue what I am talking about I wish the reminders would come more often.
Over the course of the last year I have had numerous reminders of the benefits of talking. First of all the media attention has provided awareness. In my line of work clients often deal with various mental health issues. This can have a significant impact on how they deal with the stress and conflict in their lives. Having other participants aware of the effect of mental health challenges provides for better understanding and through that understanding a better approach to resolving issues.
Talking also benefits the person dealing with the mental health issues. Just recently I was involved in a conversation with a person who had “hit bottom”. They felt overwhelmed. They felt hopeless. They had no idea how they could ever get through the challenges they were facing. But through a recognition that help was needed they reached out and began talking. Through numerous conversations with different caregivers it did not take long for this person to begin a recovery and healing process. And in their words it is a matter of taking baby steps understanding that there will be days when it feels like one is slipping back. There are times when talking may not be the only requirement but it certainly is a good first step.
Through one conversation at a time this person was able to verbalize the hopelessness and anguish they felt. It is interesting, and I share this from my own experiences, that verbalizing the thoughts running uncontrollably through one’s head helps in sorting out what is real and what is unrealistic. That provides a certain amount of relief in itself. Often times people feel loathe sharing their thoughts because they perceive their issues to be humiliating and shameful. We feel isolated. We see no hope for the future. Being able to articulate that to a listening ear helps.
As a result of reaching out this person was provided with information that could help on the path to healing. Information for the mental health issues being experienced and information to address the circumstances that had pushed them over the edge. With this information the person knew there was hope. Knew that there was relief.
Again, as I have in the past, I will throw out a challenge to those that are fortunate enough not experience mental health concerns. Keep your eyes open. There are people around you that are hurting. Be prepared to listen. Be prepared to acknowledge. You don’t have to provide answers. You don’t have to be an expert. Just listen. Listen, normalize and validate. Simply provide support.
Just last night I heard a newscast on mental health. I was saddened to hear that suicide rates in Canada have not significantly reduced over the last number of years. That tells me that we need to do more. More awareness. More recognizing and reaching out. More talking. Make it a good one.
The Recovering Farmer
Wednesday, January 28, 2015
Thursday, January 22, 2015
Great Expectations
Life provides us with all sorts of different twists and turns. Often times they make sense. Often times we enjoy what life has to offer. Then there are times when what we get is not what we had hoped for, not what we wanted and certainly not what we had expected. It can be that certain experiences have caught up to us and are creating major stress. It may be issues at work. It can be a simple thing like expecting a good night’s sleep. Yeah, right. Not going to happen. That wonderful thing called anxiety keeps rearing its ugly head. At the most unexpected and inopportune times.
Why is it that a dream of a hydro line with advertisements on it creates an anxiety attack? I have no idea. There is probably potential there for some money. The dream last night was about a hydro line I used to live close to. The two pole variety. Between the poles was a clear Plexiglas window with logos on them. The one I remember was a John Deere logo. It looked good. I think there may be potential there. But instead I woke up in a sweat with an anxiety attack. All I had was to ask the question, WHY.
There are other expectations we have. Whether health, financial wellbeing, relational, or job stuff, to name but a few, we expect certain things and, in most cases, deserve certain things. Perhaps our expectations are not realistic. Like buying a lottery ticket and having spent the 50 million before the draw actually happens. Give me a break. It felt good for a while till I realized that the draw had happened and there were not any winners. Okay, have to rejig this one.
Regardless of what the circumstances are we do have certain wants and wishes. At certain junctures those wants and wishes become expectations. Then when circumstances change we become stressed out. We are disappointed. We wished for something else. We become anxious. And in some cases we become despondent and feel overwhelmed and hopeless.
We even at times have expectations that something bad will happen. I always expect pain when I go to the dentist. There is the needle. The gauze they stick between your gums and your cheek that makes me gag. The drilling. And when the freezing finally leaves. Sorry. I digress. But we do often times allow ourselves great anxiety by expecting something bad to happen.
Whether for ourselves or our kids, and even grandkids, we wish for a life that is filled with happiness, contentment and satisfaction. The reality of life is that we will face challenges, we will face hurdles, we will at times be brought to our knees in sheer anguish. How we recover from that becomes the challenge.
Remember? “We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are.” Our state of mind can easily influence our expectations. From the extreme positive, as in my winning the lottery, to the extreme negative, as in me thinking I will probably die in the dentist chair. I often find I can trace back these expectations to what my stress levels have been on any given day. So it is important that we build healthy coping strategies. So we can keep on living in spite of stress, misfortune or change. So that we have more “great” expectations and fewer unrealistic or negative expectations. As the saying goes; “The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon but that we wait so long to begin it.” Make it a good one.
Why is it that a dream of a hydro line with advertisements on it creates an anxiety attack? I have no idea. There is probably potential there for some money. The dream last night was about a hydro line I used to live close to. The two pole variety. Between the poles was a clear Plexiglas window with logos on them. The one I remember was a John Deere logo. It looked good. I think there may be potential there. But instead I woke up in a sweat with an anxiety attack. All I had was to ask the question, WHY.
There are other expectations we have. Whether health, financial wellbeing, relational, or job stuff, to name but a few, we expect certain things and, in most cases, deserve certain things. Perhaps our expectations are not realistic. Like buying a lottery ticket and having spent the 50 million before the draw actually happens. Give me a break. It felt good for a while till I realized that the draw had happened and there were not any winners. Okay, have to rejig this one.
Regardless of what the circumstances are we do have certain wants and wishes. At certain junctures those wants and wishes become expectations. Then when circumstances change we become stressed out. We are disappointed. We wished for something else. We become anxious. And in some cases we become despondent and feel overwhelmed and hopeless.
We even at times have expectations that something bad will happen. I always expect pain when I go to the dentist. There is the needle. The gauze they stick between your gums and your cheek that makes me gag. The drilling. And when the freezing finally leaves. Sorry. I digress. But we do often times allow ourselves great anxiety by expecting something bad to happen.
Whether for ourselves or our kids, and even grandkids, we wish for a life that is filled with happiness, contentment and satisfaction. The reality of life is that we will face challenges, we will face hurdles, we will at times be brought to our knees in sheer anguish. How we recover from that becomes the challenge.
Remember? “We do not see things as they are, we see things as we are.” Our state of mind can easily influence our expectations. From the extreme positive, as in my winning the lottery, to the extreme negative, as in me thinking I will probably die in the dentist chair. I often find I can trace back these expectations to what my stress levels have been on any given day. So it is important that we build healthy coping strategies. So we can keep on living in spite of stress, misfortune or change. So that we have more “great” expectations and fewer unrealistic or negative expectations. As the saying goes; “The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon but that we wait so long to begin it.” Make it a good one.
Thursday, January 15, 2015
The Mask
As is often the case, I seem to see, read, or latch on to certain information that really needs to be part of my last blog. Why is that? Is it that the information is a day late and a dollar short? Or is that type of information always available but I only notice when I focus on a certain topic? I have no idea. Not sure it matters.
I spoke last week of a secret life that many of us live. I mentioned certain things about my upbringing, my background, and even the church life I have had. I mentioned some “gifts” my mother had in making me talk. I had certain responses to my blog which I always appreciate. These responses make me write the next one even if my mind and body say NO. At times, quite frankly, it is a chore. And yet a chore that makes me feel better. Better because I have put pen to paper and expressed or clarified certain thoughts. Yet I was haunted by some of the responses. It was not meant to be a diatribe about my mother, the church I once belonged to, or any other crap I might still be carrying with me.
So I felt I needed to build on what I had written. I used the example of guilt not as the focus or topic of my narrative. Rather it was used to provide a stepping stone to a secret life many of us have. Not one that should create guilt, not one that was created by guilt, although that may be debated because often guilt, rightly or wrongly, drives us to a secret life. I realized there might have been certain thoughts that were coming to the surface that might not be helpful. Not portray what I wanted to portray. After all, I need to be helpful. God forbid I post anything that is not helpful. God forbid I post anything that might question me, my life, or my issues. (tongue firmly planted in my cheek)
This morning I received a link to an article from one of my colleagues. It tells the story of a person’s struggle with losing a child to sudden infant death syndrome. I cannot relate to that and never want to. Not convinced I could deal with it. What struck me about this story is the comment the counsellor made. He said; “The mask she wore for the world was carefully constructed and effective”. (Patrick O’Malley, The New York Times)
That reiterates my point of leading a secret life. We put on a mask. We are good at it. We can fool most everyone, perhaps even ourselves. But do we???
Many of us experience pain as we live life. That pain may come from the past, it may come from a recent experience, or it may be a culmination of many experiences. Who knows and who cares. All we know is that we are feeling pain, a pain that overwhelms our life. And that is where we often try to fool the people around us. Our friends, our family, or the ones we work with. It sucks to have to share what really bothers us. So we put on a mask.
When and where do we address what really needs addressing? We have an innate desire to fix what befalls us. However, through all of this, we often kid ourselves. We can put on this false front, we can kid ourselves into thinking we don’t have problems, we can even fool ourselves into thinking it is others that have the problems.
As the quote above suggests, many of us put on a mask. At certain points in our daily lives many of us try to portray something that is not accurate. Sometimes we need to do that, other times we need to understand that there is a secret life that, very simply, is not fun anymore. At that point we need to take off the mask and deal with life honestly. There are ways of doing that. The first step is to talk. It will help. Make it a good one.
I spoke last week of a secret life that many of us live. I mentioned certain things about my upbringing, my background, and even the church life I have had. I mentioned some “gifts” my mother had in making me talk. I had certain responses to my blog which I always appreciate. These responses make me write the next one even if my mind and body say NO. At times, quite frankly, it is a chore. And yet a chore that makes me feel better. Better because I have put pen to paper and expressed or clarified certain thoughts. Yet I was haunted by some of the responses. It was not meant to be a diatribe about my mother, the church I once belonged to, or any other crap I might still be carrying with me.
So I felt I needed to build on what I had written. I used the example of guilt not as the focus or topic of my narrative. Rather it was used to provide a stepping stone to a secret life many of us have. Not one that should create guilt, not one that was created by guilt, although that may be debated because often guilt, rightly or wrongly, drives us to a secret life. I realized there might have been certain thoughts that were coming to the surface that might not be helpful. Not portray what I wanted to portray. After all, I need to be helpful. God forbid I post anything that is not helpful. God forbid I post anything that might question me, my life, or my issues. (tongue firmly planted in my cheek)
This morning I received a link to an article from one of my colleagues. It tells the story of a person’s struggle with losing a child to sudden infant death syndrome. I cannot relate to that and never want to. Not convinced I could deal with it. What struck me about this story is the comment the counsellor made. He said; “The mask she wore for the world was carefully constructed and effective”. (Patrick O’Malley, The New York Times)
That reiterates my point of leading a secret life. We put on a mask. We are good at it. We can fool most everyone, perhaps even ourselves. But do we???
Many of us experience pain as we live life. That pain may come from the past, it may come from a recent experience, or it may be a culmination of many experiences. Who knows and who cares. All we know is that we are feeling pain, a pain that overwhelms our life. And that is where we often try to fool the people around us. Our friends, our family, or the ones we work with. It sucks to have to share what really bothers us. So we put on a mask.
When and where do we address what really needs addressing? We have an innate desire to fix what befalls us. However, through all of this, we often kid ourselves. We can put on this false front, we can kid ourselves into thinking we don’t have problems, we can even fool ourselves into thinking it is others that have the problems.
As the quote above suggests, many of us put on a mask. At certain points in our daily lives many of us try to portray something that is not accurate. Sometimes we need to do that, other times we need to understand that there is a secret life that, very simply, is not fun anymore. At that point we need to take off the mask and deal with life honestly. There are ways of doing that. The first step is to talk. It will help. Make it a good one.
Sunday, January 11, 2015
A Secret Life
As most of you know by now I grew up in a conservative Mennonite home. Church was an integral part of our life. And guilt. It seemed that everything was driven by guilt. Even manipulation by guilt. It would appear that I succumbed to this more than most others. It is interesting how I always thought that nobody utilized guilt more than Mennonites. In later years I had some interesting discussions with a Catholic friend and a Jewish friend. They tried to convince me that they knew all about guilt long before there were Mennonites.
My mother, God rest her soul, knew better than anyone on how to use guilt for confession purposes. Whether we were on the field combining, sitting in our living room on a quiet Friday night, or going to another church event, she could cajole almost anything out of me. Okay, actually, everything. There were things I confessed to that I would just as soon never hear from my kids. Would probably make me blush. Nothing abnormal, just things that most kids experience. I actually chuckle when I think of one particular day. She asked me whether there were any particular problems I was experiencing. I knew there had to be something. I suspect I had a guilty look on my face that had got me in trouble before. So I started fessing up. Halfway through my story my mother interjected and informed me there was nothing wrong with what I had done. Seriously, I had no secret life.
In a recent conversation with a fellow experiencing heart wrenching worries over his business, I was struck with his constant concern that nobody should find out, including his family. He is quite literally living a secret life. At least he thinks he is. I recall those days where I thought I was doing a good job of hiding the reality of my life. I have found out since that I was really not hiding anything. My wife, my kids, and neighbors knew full well that there were issues.
In some of my readings this week I came across the following quote. “There is no agony like having an untold story inside you.” - Zora Neale Hurston. That is so true. Often times we find ourselves dealing with issues we can’t just admit to anyone. It becomes a burden. Just like the gentleman I just mentioned. He had found someone he could open his soul too. Verbalize the anguish from within. Although it did not fix his problems it helped in putting the proper perspective on the issue. But he needs to ensure that no one knows. It is his secret life. I suspect we will be having more conversations.
There is another part to this narrative. Yes, we keep secrets. At times some of us live secret lives. Why? Because we are filled with guilt, because we feel shame, because our self-esteem cannot take another blow. So we keep it a secret. We hope to wake up tomorrow and have the issue resolved.
We are also convinced that no one will believe us. I come from a generation where people with mental health issues, didn’t. Where people with financial struggles, didn’t. Where people with relational issues, didn’t. It was because we did not work hard enough, we did not go to church often enough, we did not pray often enough, we did not have faith.
There is a new reality. That reality is that one out of three people suffer from mental illness. That reality is that as strong as we think we are there are issues that will knee cap the best of us. That reality is we need to find someone that we can talk to. That reality is we need help. That reality is that we live a secret life and want release. And we are looking to you for help. Make it a good one.
My mother, God rest her soul, knew better than anyone on how to use guilt for confession purposes. Whether we were on the field combining, sitting in our living room on a quiet Friday night, or going to another church event, she could cajole almost anything out of me. Okay, actually, everything. There were things I confessed to that I would just as soon never hear from my kids. Would probably make me blush. Nothing abnormal, just things that most kids experience. I actually chuckle when I think of one particular day. She asked me whether there were any particular problems I was experiencing. I knew there had to be something. I suspect I had a guilty look on my face that had got me in trouble before. So I started fessing up. Halfway through my story my mother interjected and informed me there was nothing wrong with what I had done. Seriously, I had no secret life.
In a recent conversation with a fellow experiencing heart wrenching worries over his business, I was struck with his constant concern that nobody should find out, including his family. He is quite literally living a secret life. At least he thinks he is. I recall those days where I thought I was doing a good job of hiding the reality of my life. I have found out since that I was really not hiding anything. My wife, my kids, and neighbors knew full well that there were issues.
In some of my readings this week I came across the following quote. “There is no agony like having an untold story inside you.” - Zora Neale Hurston. That is so true. Often times we find ourselves dealing with issues we can’t just admit to anyone. It becomes a burden. Just like the gentleman I just mentioned. He had found someone he could open his soul too. Verbalize the anguish from within. Although it did not fix his problems it helped in putting the proper perspective on the issue. But he needs to ensure that no one knows. It is his secret life. I suspect we will be having more conversations.
There is another part to this narrative. Yes, we keep secrets. At times some of us live secret lives. Why? Because we are filled with guilt, because we feel shame, because our self-esteem cannot take another blow. So we keep it a secret. We hope to wake up tomorrow and have the issue resolved.
We are also convinced that no one will believe us. I come from a generation where people with mental health issues, didn’t. Where people with financial struggles, didn’t. Where people with relational issues, didn’t. It was because we did not work hard enough, we did not go to church often enough, we did not pray often enough, we did not have faith.
There is a new reality. That reality is that one out of three people suffer from mental illness. That reality is that as strong as we think we are there are issues that will knee cap the best of us. That reality is we need to find someone that we can talk to. That reality is we need help. That reality is that we live a secret life and want release. And we are looking to you for help. Make it a good one.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
See You Next Year
A lot of people take time between Christmas and New Years to think back to the year that was. So I will do the same. Or maybe not. See where this goes.
I suppose I could write about the roller coaster ride I have had. My daughter got married, my mother died, my son and daughter-in-law gave birth to a baby girl, we had Christmas, blah, blah, blah, blah. I could write about new opportunities but they are best left unsaid till I find out whether they actually are new opportunities. I could write about new found relationships over the Christmas season but really need to find out whether they are. I could reflect on a golf season that was, and it was.
Then when I actually think about it I wonder why. Why am I thinking of the past year? Just recently I was involved in a situation where I challenged the participants to look forward. I used the analogy of a car mirror. I went on to suggest that if we would view our world through the windshield rather than the rear view mirror we should be happier. With emphasis on we should be. Does not always happen that way.
Work with me. The rear view mirror on a car is small. 4 inches by 6 inches. (in metrics that is about the size of your hand.) We keep looking at it. See what is behind us. To the point where we miss what is current and what is ahead. If we remain fixated on the rear view mirror we may have a mishap. Actually, probably, almost guaranteed, we will have a mishap.
So that leaves us with this gigantic windshield in front of us. Enjoy the view. There are so many positives out there that we should be on the lookout for. Wait a minute. Literally and figuratively my windshield has some cracks. I have been told often enough that I should get it replaced. I always wonder why because as sure as night follows day as soon as I do that I will get another stone chip.
Perhaps that best describes my life. Resistant to change because it will all end up the same. Knowing full well what it takes to make things better but not doing it. Then again it is the end of the year. You think a fresh start will help?
Last night, as I lay awake for countless hours, I began to formulate a plan. When it is time to sleep I am wide awake. When I should be wide awake I feel like sleeping. When I should feel anxious I don’t. When I have no reason to be anxious I am. When I should eat I don’t feel hungry. When I am trying to sleep I feel hungry. I need a lobotomy. My brain is out of whack, to say the least.
Then it hit me. Just like my windshield, I need to make some changes. Out with the old. In with the new. Get rid of the cracks and the stone chips. Get something I can actually see through. Sure, I will get new stone chips, particularly on that gravel road between here and Oak Bluff where people have no concept of what it means to drive responsibly. . . . Oops. Sorry. Got carried away there. And as sure as I will get stone chips on my windshield life will throw some challenges at me. But I can do this. I need to quit looking in the rear view mirror. Tomorrow is a new beginning. I want to take advantage of that. I know what works. Been there before. Now to implement it. Take care and see you next year. Happy New Year. Make it a good one.
I suppose I could write about the roller coaster ride I have had. My daughter got married, my mother died, my son and daughter-in-law gave birth to a baby girl, we had Christmas, blah, blah, blah, blah. I could write about new opportunities but they are best left unsaid till I find out whether they actually are new opportunities. I could write about new found relationships over the Christmas season but really need to find out whether they are. I could reflect on a golf season that was, and it was.
Then when I actually think about it I wonder why. Why am I thinking of the past year? Just recently I was involved in a situation where I challenged the participants to look forward. I used the analogy of a car mirror. I went on to suggest that if we would view our world through the windshield rather than the rear view mirror we should be happier. With emphasis on we should be. Does not always happen that way.
Work with me. The rear view mirror on a car is small. 4 inches by 6 inches. (in metrics that is about the size of your hand.) We keep looking at it. See what is behind us. To the point where we miss what is current and what is ahead. If we remain fixated on the rear view mirror we may have a mishap. Actually, probably, almost guaranteed, we will have a mishap.
So that leaves us with this gigantic windshield in front of us. Enjoy the view. There are so many positives out there that we should be on the lookout for. Wait a minute. Literally and figuratively my windshield has some cracks. I have been told often enough that I should get it replaced. I always wonder why because as sure as night follows day as soon as I do that I will get another stone chip.
Perhaps that best describes my life. Resistant to change because it will all end up the same. Knowing full well what it takes to make things better but not doing it. Then again it is the end of the year. You think a fresh start will help?
Last night, as I lay awake for countless hours, I began to formulate a plan. When it is time to sleep I am wide awake. When I should be wide awake I feel like sleeping. When I should feel anxious I don’t. When I have no reason to be anxious I am. When I should eat I don’t feel hungry. When I am trying to sleep I feel hungry. I need a lobotomy. My brain is out of whack, to say the least.
Then it hit me. Just like my windshield, I need to make some changes. Out with the old. In with the new. Get rid of the cracks and the stone chips. Get something I can actually see through. Sure, I will get new stone chips, particularly on that gravel road between here and Oak Bluff where people have no concept of what it means to drive responsibly. . . . Oops. Sorry. Got carried away there. And as sure as I will get stone chips on my windshield life will throw some challenges at me. But I can do this. I need to quit looking in the rear view mirror. Tomorrow is a new beginning. I want to take advantage of that. I know what works. Been there before. Now to implement it. Take care and see you next year. Happy New Year. Make it a good one.
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
Merry Christmas 2014
I feel like I am in a vacuum. I am sitting here on Christmas Eve thinking I need to take down the tree. Unplug the lights. Get back to work. No. Not because I am a Grinch, although some might argue that point. It is because we had our kids down this last weekend to celebrate the season. To celebrate family. So now they have left and it feels like Christmas is over.
Because we have kids that do shift work it was difficult to coordinate a get together. However our social convener, that being the minister of the interior, that being my better half, and the kid’s mother was able to establish that the weekend before Christmas would work for everyone. Our son’s girlfriend almost messed that up. You see she is an avid Curler and it so happened that zone playoffs were scheduled for the weekend. There too, we got lucky. Happened that the playoffs were in our hometown, a mere mile from our house. So we hardly missed a beat. The bonus was that she won.
As we reflected on the weekend that was my wife and I both felt good about what had all happened. You hear about the commercialization of Christmas. You hear about people spending far too much money. Not enough time spent building relationships. Our son-in-law’s father is out for Christmas. He came for the weekend. My sister joined us for part of the weekend. My niece and her husband came by for our Christmas dinner on Saturday. Our son’s girlfriend’s father dropped in for lunch on Sunday. It was a beehive of activity but so much fun. Thank goodness my wife loves cooking. There was lots of food, whenever food was needed.
Just saw a commercial done by Ikea (no, this is not an endorsement) that supposedly did an experiment with kids. Now understand, Ikea is a Swedish company. In Sweden kids write letters to the Three Kings rather than Santa Clause (that opens a whole new can of worms). In the commercial the kids are asked to write to the Three Kings. Each and every one made requests for toys. Then they were asked to send a letter to their parents. Those requests were significantly different. Those requests were much more in tune with what Christmas is about. The main request? “Please spend more time with me.” The irony was that when asked which letter they most wanted to happen the majority suggested the letter to their parents. (Truth be told I saw this on Facebook. No idea if it is true. Doesn’t really matter. The message is real.)
Here is wishing you a Merry Christmas. Hopefully, whether the week before, the day of, or the week following, you will have the opportunity to renew friendships and build on relationships. That is obviously what this time of year is for. Worked for me. Merry Christmas. Make it a good one.
P.S. Posting my favorite Christmas poem, again, because it really epitomizes how I feel.
Put your problems on probation
Run your troubles off the track,
Throw your worries out the window
Get the monkeys off your back.
Silence all your inner critics
With your conscience make amends,
And allow yourself some happiness
It's Christmas time again!
Call a truce with those who bother you
Let all the fighting cease,
Give your differences a breather
And declare a time of peace,
Don't let angry feelings taint
The precious time you have to spend,
And allow yourself some happiness
It's Christmas time again!
Like some cool refreshing water
Or a gentle summer breeze,
Like a fresh bouquet of flowers
Or the smell of autumn leaves,
It's a banquet for the spirit
Filled with family, food and friends,
So allow yourself some happiness
It's Christmas time again!
Bob Lazzar-Atwood
Because we have kids that do shift work it was difficult to coordinate a get together. However our social convener, that being the minister of the interior, that being my better half, and the kid’s mother was able to establish that the weekend before Christmas would work for everyone. Our son’s girlfriend almost messed that up. You see she is an avid Curler and it so happened that zone playoffs were scheduled for the weekend. There too, we got lucky. Happened that the playoffs were in our hometown, a mere mile from our house. So we hardly missed a beat. The bonus was that she won.
As we reflected on the weekend that was my wife and I both felt good about what had all happened. You hear about the commercialization of Christmas. You hear about people spending far too much money. Not enough time spent building relationships. Our son-in-law’s father is out for Christmas. He came for the weekend. My sister joined us for part of the weekend. My niece and her husband came by for our Christmas dinner on Saturday. Our son’s girlfriend’s father dropped in for lunch on Sunday. It was a beehive of activity but so much fun. Thank goodness my wife loves cooking. There was lots of food, whenever food was needed.
Just saw a commercial done by Ikea (no, this is not an endorsement) that supposedly did an experiment with kids. Now understand, Ikea is a Swedish company. In Sweden kids write letters to the Three Kings rather than Santa Clause (that opens a whole new can of worms). In the commercial the kids are asked to write to the Three Kings. Each and every one made requests for toys. Then they were asked to send a letter to their parents. Those requests were significantly different. Those requests were much more in tune with what Christmas is about. The main request? “Please spend more time with me.” The irony was that when asked which letter they most wanted to happen the majority suggested the letter to their parents. (Truth be told I saw this on Facebook. No idea if it is true. Doesn’t really matter. The message is real.)
Here is wishing you a Merry Christmas. Hopefully, whether the week before, the day of, or the week following, you will have the opportunity to renew friendships and build on relationships. That is obviously what this time of year is for. Worked for me. Merry Christmas. Make it a good one.
P.S. Posting my favorite Christmas poem, again, because it really epitomizes how I feel.
Put your problems on probation
Run your troubles off the track,
Throw your worries out the window
Get the monkeys off your back.
Silence all your inner critics
With your conscience make amends,
And allow yourself some happiness
It's Christmas time again!
Call a truce with those who bother you
Let all the fighting cease,
Give your differences a breather
And declare a time of peace,
Don't let angry feelings taint
The precious time you have to spend,
And allow yourself some happiness
It's Christmas time again!
Like some cool refreshing water
Or a gentle summer breeze,
Like a fresh bouquet of flowers
Or the smell of autumn leaves,
It's a banquet for the spirit
Filled with family, food and friends,
So allow yourself some happiness
It's Christmas time again!
Bob Lazzar-Atwood
Monday, December 22, 2014
To Be or Not to Be
Just in time for the holidays I have been walloped by a cold. Now I could suggest that it is the mother of all colds, worse than ever, but my wife likes to remind me that I always say that when I get sick. I probably do. Perhaps it’s my age. After all that clock reared its head this week again. Apparently, based on someone’s wisdom, I am now closer to the next decade than the last decade. Make sense? Doesn’t matter. I am older.
I had a grandiose plan on Thursday. Had one meeting booked for the morning and another one for the afternoon. Between the meetings I was going to go grocery shopping. Get ready for the party at our house on the weekend. By the time my first meeting ended I decided that my plans would change. I was hacking, coughing, and sneezing. I felt miserable. So I decided to call in sick. Cancel the rest of my plans. Went home and crashed. Didn’t even feel guilty about it.
So I crashed on the couch. Switched on the TV. Was going to watch some golf. That always helps. Almost as effective as Tylenol or Advil. However it is the time of year when even professional golfers take a break. But I did get to watch an interesting story. A story of a person who made it through a life altering, to say the least, accident.
Mike Labrie was a mere toddler when he was involved in a horrific incident. A water heater blew up near where he was playing. An incident that forever changed his life. He suffered extensive burns to his entire body. He lost fingers. His face was severely burned. He went through 74 surgeries to get to where he is today. He has one layer of skin where most of us have seven. What struck me is the way that Mike adapted to ensure that he would enjoy life to the best of his abilities. Where many would have given up he persevered. He has not allowed his physical handicaps to get in the way of life. He plays piano, remember he lost some fingers. He plays golf, how does he grip that club? He has an unorthodox swing. But it works. He is a 9 handicapper. Something I strive for. (you can see his whole story if you go to the golf channel website)
His story got me thinking. How often do I allow negative events in life to control my future? I look back rather than forward. I become so wrapped up in negativity that even positive moments pass me by. I don’t notice. I am too busy commiserating the bad stuff in life. Life is not fair. That person has more money than I do. His car is nicer than mine. She can go on extended holidays. I would rather have their job. I don’t like my boss. Why is he a better golfer after all I try harder? Why is all of this for naught?
Towards the end of the show the host made an interesting comment. Something along the lines of the fact that our obstinateness holds us back. (I still think it is obstinance but the dictionary disagrees.) Really? So what he is saying is that my stubbornness, my refusal to change or adapt is getting in my way? So if I do adapt things may never be the same. Based on that story I am better off if things are not the same. The same has not worked. I need to adapt to the new me. It may change everything. That may be difficult. Wait a minute. Mike Labrie did and look at the life he has in spite of his handicaps. I need to get on that. For my own sake. Make it a good one.
I had a grandiose plan on Thursday. Had one meeting booked for the morning and another one for the afternoon. Between the meetings I was going to go grocery shopping. Get ready for the party at our house on the weekend. By the time my first meeting ended I decided that my plans would change. I was hacking, coughing, and sneezing. I felt miserable. So I decided to call in sick. Cancel the rest of my plans. Went home and crashed. Didn’t even feel guilty about it.
So I crashed on the couch. Switched on the TV. Was going to watch some golf. That always helps. Almost as effective as Tylenol or Advil. However it is the time of year when even professional golfers take a break. But I did get to watch an interesting story. A story of a person who made it through a life altering, to say the least, accident.
Mike Labrie was a mere toddler when he was involved in a horrific incident. A water heater blew up near where he was playing. An incident that forever changed his life. He suffered extensive burns to his entire body. He lost fingers. His face was severely burned. He went through 74 surgeries to get to where he is today. He has one layer of skin where most of us have seven. What struck me is the way that Mike adapted to ensure that he would enjoy life to the best of his abilities. Where many would have given up he persevered. He has not allowed his physical handicaps to get in the way of life. He plays piano, remember he lost some fingers. He plays golf, how does he grip that club? He has an unorthodox swing. But it works. He is a 9 handicapper. Something I strive for. (you can see his whole story if you go to the golf channel website)
His story got me thinking. How often do I allow negative events in life to control my future? I look back rather than forward. I become so wrapped up in negativity that even positive moments pass me by. I don’t notice. I am too busy commiserating the bad stuff in life. Life is not fair. That person has more money than I do. His car is nicer than mine. She can go on extended holidays. I would rather have their job. I don’t like my boss. Why is he a better golfer after all I try harder? Why is all of this for naught?
Towards the end of the show the host made an interesting comment. Something along the lines of the fact that our obstinateness holds us back. (I still think it is obstinance but the dictionary disagrees.) Really? So what he is saying is that my stubbornness, my refusal to change or adapt is getting in my way? So if I do adapt things may never be the same. Based on that story I am better off if things are not the same. The same has not worked. I need to adapt to the new me. It may change everything. That may be difficult. Wait a minute. Mike Labrie did and look at the life he has in spite of his handicaps. I need to get on that. For my own sake. Make it a good one.
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