The Recovering Farmer

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

What Is Happening

How do I answer that? I have no idea. It has been tough slugging for me. Feels like each day I am walking through mud, knee deep. Not the way it should be. I know better. I have the tools. Writing my weekly blog used to be relatively easy. Not now. I have a start to three different ones. May be controversial. Perhaps interesting. Am leaving those for another day. Let me give you a quick update as to where I am at.

Have you ever tried the breathing exercise that I have demonstrated in various workshops? You know the one that helps with mindfulness? I did. Last night about 2:00 am. Didn’t work. I tried to find my happy place. It is gone. I played a golf course in my mind. Did not work. This is hopeless.

I find it ironical that the guru of stress management is at wit’s end. That is not supposed to happen. I suppose that means I am human. Although I have never heard anyone dispute that, I would like to think different.

I am human. And just like everyone else I run into certain challenges that seem to be overwhelming. The last few months have been a real challenge. No, I don’t have cancer. (not that I know of but have been worried about since I was a child), I have work (although it is silly season, the time of year when many people are on holidays and it is tough to set up a meeting), the kids are doing okay (there is a certain phone call that I can’t talk about but sounds good), I have a wonderful, good looking grandson (he really is), and so many other things I can be and am thankful for.

So what’s the problem? I don’t know. As I sit and write this the door bell wrings. At the door is the neighbor’s daughter with a beautiful bouquet of flowers. How neat is that? I give Rose a look, emotions overwhelm, and all I can do is be thankful for what we have. It truly is awesome.
I am scheduled for eye surgery on Friday. You probably recall me talking about certain issues I have had. Some time ago I wrote that a simple laser procedure was all it would take to fix the problem. Found out that was not the case. Turns out I need a surgery. That is happening, rather quickly, this Friday.

Sounds minor. Hope it is. My wife just reminded me that once the surgery is done that some of my anxiety would dissipate. I hope she is right. I need new direction in my life. Perhaps if my vision is corrected I can get that. Make it a good one.

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