The Recovering Farmer

Saturday, October 24, 2015

A Double Play

The term double play is normally associated with baseball. I never watch baseball. I have never found it very invigorating. My son asked me how I can watch golf and say what I just did about baseball. There is an argument to be made but I won’t. I did happen to watch one inning of the Blue Jays’ game the other day. Happened to be the most exciting thing I have ever seen in baseball. Keep in mind I never watch the game. I suspect I could somehow bring the election into this as well but not going there. As the one FB post said, “I should say something, but I won’t.

I would like to expand on something I touched on with a previous blog. As it dealt with conflict there are obviously numerous directions I could go with this. At the same time I need to keep it simple or I might get lost in my thoughts and who knows where we might end up then.

It is important to remember that when we are involved in conflict or are facing a potential conflict that there are two plays at work. There is the actual conflict. This involves a struggle between you and someone else. But there is also an internal conflict that can happen. This internal struggle is often time one that can last longer than and be more difficult than the external conflict.

Again the internal conflict is a double play. We become consumed by the external conflict. Wonder how it will play out. Wonder what will be said or done. Often times we become overwhelmed and anxious. Anxious because we are dealing with an unknown outcome. We want the conflict resolved but ironically procrastinate dealing with it. Hope to wake up tomorrow with it gone and forgotten.

But as I mentioned last time there are numerous factors at play inside of us. Quite often, probably more often than not, these factors involve other life events. It maybe relational issues, financial trouble, illness, chronic pain, stressors at work, changes that are overwhelming. It could be a host of things. Issues that wear down our ability to manage conflict. Manage life itself.

As this internal conflict festers, a myriad of feelings take over. We have a tendency to be hard on ourselves. We beat ourselves up. We feel like idiots. It wreaks havoc with our self-esteem. And as our self-esteem suffers we become defensive. We feel attacked. We feel like everyone and everything is against us. And far too often this has the potential to turn into resentment. And as the saying goes resentment is a poison we take hoping someone else will die. It can destroy us. It can take away from a positive life. It can lead to bigger problems.

So first and foremost we need to start being kinder to ourselves. All of us have an innate desire to be heard. To be understood. We need to quit believing everything we think. Our stinking thinking can demoralize us. Practice self-compassion. Our pain and anxiety reduces the more others understand and care. Our physical health improves when others show they care, when they show they understand, when they reach out to help. Using that same principle on ourselves is just as important.

Make an effort to deal with issues that drag you down. Use a mindfulness based approach to your everyday life. Make a conscious effort to feel better about yourself. And as this happens you will find that external conflicts are much easier to deal with. In fact you may find that these external struggles are only a function of your perception. Remember, we don’t see things as they are, we see things as we are. Make it a good one.

“Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.”
Mary Schmich

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