For years I have been using the word labyrinth to describe the journey I am on, both in presentations and in my writing. As a matter of fact, the subtitle of my book is A Journey through the Labyrinth of Anxiety and Depression.
I clearly recall the day that started. I was writing a blog
when the word just kind of appeared on the page. I hesitated a moment because, really,
it isn’t the easiest word to spell but then thought I should probably look up
the meaning of it before just freely using it.
Back in those days, when searching for the definition of
words on my computer, the Encarta dictionary automatically popped up. The
definition that came up for labyrinth was; “a place with a lot of crisscrossing
or complicated passages, tunnels, or paths in which it would be easy to become
lost.”
That resonated with me. It captured how I was feeling. The
picture that definition created in my mind made so much sense. My journey
seemed to be on a path that was taking me through some dark tunnels, forks in
the road that left me feeling lost, leaving me confused about whether I was
even traveling in the right direction.
When I sent the manuscript of my book to the publisher for
editing, I was rather surprised at the response to the definition I was using. And
suggesting I was surprised is rather a gross understatement. I was angry. The
editor had the gall to say that that definition was not right. Really? They
were telling me that the dictionary I was using was wrong? (I did check other dictionaries
as well and many had similar definitions)
Instead, they said, a labyrinth has a clear and visible path
to its centre, with no barriers of any kind, and is intended as a meditative
walk, not a puzzle. It’s impossible to get lost in a labyrinth.
Looking back, I can smile a little at my reaction. At the
time that definition did not resonate with me at all. Feeling some pressure, I
did change the wording in my book to try to capture both definitions.
Today, I find myself looking at it differently.
In part that change in perspective came about when a friend
posted a picture on Facebook about a labyrinth she had built on her farm. I
spent some time in looking at that picture before it dawned on me that this
version of a labyrinth made sense to me. Although in my visual the paths are
defined by hedges not different than a maze, making it impossible to see the
entire labyrinth. And who knows. That perspective may change as well.
I have begun to see the labyrinth not simply as a place
where I might become lost, but as a path I am navigating on my journey through
life. Perhaps not a mystery to be solved, but rather a path to finding meaning.
Those paths are circular and complex, taking me through twists and turns, but
have no dead ends.
The difference is that I no longer automatically interpret
those moments as being lost. Instead, I am learning to see them as
opportunities for discovery. Each turn offers the possibility of learning
something about myself, understanding others a little better, or finding a
different way of approaching a challenge. I may not always know where the path
is leading, but that doesn't mean I have lost my way.
Perhaps that is one of the more important lessons I am
learning. I don't need to have every answer or know what lies around the next
corner to feel confident that I am still moving forward.
And maybe the real change isn't that I have found my way out
of the labyrinth. Perhaps it's that I have learned to keep walking without
being afraid of getting lost.
And maybe that is the real discovery to be made in the
labyrinth. We may enter it feeling lost, but along the way we can discover
strengths, connections, and ways of understanding ourselves that we never
expected.
We don't need to know what lies around every corner. We
don't need to have all the answers. Sometimes we simply need to keep walking,
remain open to what we might discover, and remember that even the difficult
parts of our journey can teach us something.
