Practicing Mindfulness

Will it ever stop raining? This morning someone texted “it rained for 40 days and 40 nights, blah, blah, blah”. Based on my calculations I think that means a few more days of this. I hope not. A few months ago it was quite foggy. I remember telling some people that they could rest assured it would rain in 100 days from that foggy day. Quite frankly I had forgotten about that till a colleague reminded me about it. She had counted out the days and marked it on the calendar. The date happened to be June 28. I chuckled when I saw her earlier this week. She gave me “that” look. You see, June 28 was this last Saturday. Did it rain? Don’t answer that. That was a rhetorical question. It absolutely poured. Perhaps that lends some credence to what are commonly known as old wives tales.

I know in my selfish mind all I worry about is the fact that I can’t golf when the weather is this nasty. I suspect that there are many who would be happy if that was their only issue. The reports I have heard on rainfall amounts, the pictures I have seen of the damage done, is mind boggling. Not something seen in this part of the world on a normal basis.

First we had a record breaking winter. Cold, windy and lots of snow. It did not want to end. Then when it finally released its grip we end up with a summer that is anything but summer. Add to that all the rain we have had and you have a significant period of time where people simply have not had any reprieve from miserable weather. That has the potential to alter moods. Make people less friendly. Grumpy. Angry even.

Perhaps it is time to utilize some mindfulness techniques. I took a workshop last week that focused on mindfulness and the positive effect it can have on people who practice it. I even learned some new techniques. I know it can work. We all know that negative events, negative thoughts, resentment of past experiences, or worries of the future can have significant impacts on our mental health. The weather over the last number of months adds to that.

Studies have shown that at the very core of our well-being, physical and mental, we have the ability to regulate the body. This regulation assists in dealing with the over whelming stress we often feel and through that maintain a sense of balance. There are many benefits of mindfulness. It provides a self-awareness. It boosts the immune system and increases physical healing. It decreases time spent in rumination. It provides for a more positive emotional state. It improves relationships. It lessens anxiety and depression. It increases empathy. It decreases chronic pain. The list goes on. (Information taken from the training manual Mindfulness Counselling Strategies from the Crisis and Trauma Resource Institute)

When you see that list I am betting you see something in there that you wish for. Regardless of our level of pain, stress or anxiety, most of us, at some point in time, wish for relief. Wish for an improved life. A balance. Try mindfulness. You might be pleasantly surprised at the results. Through experience I know it works. The workshop provided further tools and applications that I can use in my life. Now if you find yourself passing by my place and you see me doing some weird physical exercise don’t laugh. Stop in and I will show you how this can be beneficial for your life. Trust me. It works. Make it a good one.

Have A Good One

Have you ever stopped and thought about what it means if someone tells you to have a good one? I wondered about that this week. I suppose it could mean many things. A good day. A good meal. A good sleep. A list too long to mention them all. Perhaps these salutations don’t even register with us. Similar to when we meet someone. We ask how they are. They ask how we are. Do we ever think about an honest answer to give others? Do we actually acknowledge when others answer us? Do we care? We hear them all the time and just return the same wish on them or, at minimum, some variation thereof, without further thought. It has even made me think about the last sentence in all my blog posts.

There is a story behind the fact that I actually stopped and thought about the aforementioned question. When asked why I had not posted a new blog this week I facetiously suggested to a friend what the highlight of my week had been and he suggested I write about that. I had thought about it but had resisted. You see, the highlight really was not a highlight.

Let me explain. My father died of colon cancer. So based on that I need to be checked out every five years. Make sure I don’t fall prey to the same dreadful disease. So I go through the process. And like I say the procedure itself is not bad. The twelve hours before hand are enough to make a grown man cry. I know. I was reminded more than once that what I was going through was nothing compared to child birth. Perhaps it isn’t. I have never given birth to a child. However I was there in a supporting role for all three of our kids. That should give me some knowledge.

For twenty four hours prior to the procedure you are not allowed to eat. The first twelve hours are survivable. That is when the fun begins. In a starvation induced fog, or it might have been all the jello I had eaten, I went to the local pharmacy to pick up a certain medication that is required to clean out the system. I could tell the pharmacist felt my pain. As I turned to leave he said to me; “have a good one”. The irony of that worked its way through my fog and I turned around and suggested that it would appear that I would have numerous good ones. He did laugh but I don’t think he will ever say that again particularly to anyone picking up what I had just picked up.

Through modern technology, particularly as it concerns emailing, social media, and other means of communication, we seem to have lost the ability to communicate. We are lost in a fog of trying to stay connected on a 24/7 basis. One on one, face to face communication has gone the way of the dodo bird. We seem to have lost the personal touch. Perhaps there are times we need to “disconnect” from all the gadgets in our life and get reconnected on the personal level.

Take the time to chat with others. Take note of how others respond when you ask them how they are. Become engaged. Become more curious. And when others ask you how you are respond in a thoughtful, honest way. And next time someone wishes you a good one stop and think what it actually might mean to you for that day. It might be interesting. It might put a smile on your face. In the meantime? Make it a good one. 

Give Me Strength

Finally it is here. And, I might add, I am giving it some credit where credit is not due. It is not here every day but most days. I am talking summer. Finally the leaves are out. The grass is green. The birds are chirping. The sun comes up early in the morning. You get lots of sunlight in the evening. This is it. Summer has arrived. Now to enjoy it. Oh, and by the way, in just over a week the days start getting shorter, so you better start enjoying it.

Over the course of the last week or two I have seen and heard about so much heartache. A niece that was deported from a country where she was helping so many. A friend of a friend who died much too early in life because of the dreaded C. A mother who is slowly but surely losing her fight with life. A friend who cannot overcome the debilitating effects of surgery. A friend who struggles to get over a debilitating financial loss. In a much more publicized event you have the cops that were murdered in cold blood on the east coast. I suspect one and all could list numerous people who are fighting difficult challenges.

I sometimes wonder whether it is my age. Do these “bad things” seem to occur more often than they used to? Is it because our world is shrinking, in large part because of technology, and we know more people than we used to? Are issues getting more serious? So many questions. So few answers.

Each one of us that is facing challenges feels alone. Feels isolated. Wondering how anyone could relate. And, often times, it is difficult to relate. How can I feel the pain if I have never been there? I recall in early 2010 talking to people about stress. One person suggested that their stress was nothing compared to what Haiti was experiencing after their devastating earthquake. We must be careful when we go down that road.

Regardless of what is happening in other countries, regardless of what other people are going through, the reality is that we may be feeling an unbearable pain. Physical and emotional pain. Pain brought on by circumstances way beyond our control. And it matters not what the other person may be experiencing, our pain feels bad. It becomes an overwhelming burden to bear. We are not sure how to overcome.

Read an interesting article today about realistic thinking. I find myself often filled with anxiety and worry, not because of today, because of tomorrow. The future. What will it bring? All the “what ifs”. We desire answers to these “what if” questions because we think without those answers we are lost. Doomed.

The article explains why we don’t find the answers we want or need. It talks about “catastrophizing about the future”. We dwell on a perceived future. A future that appears to be hopeless. We feel but don’t think. There are times we must acknowledge that our future will not be what we want it to be but that we do have a future nonetheless. We must allow ourselves to think. That gives us the power to cope. That will provide the opportunity to thrive rather than to merely survive. Make it a good one.

Mistakes Do Happen

Sometimes you have no choice but to sit back and laugh. I have been telling you about my makeover. Okay. Let’s be clear. Not the physical me. That would be an impossible task. This getting older does have certain drawbacks. Looking in the mirror, particularly in the morning, is a scary thought. Who exactly is that looking back at me? Not sure. Quickly look away so I don’t recognize the face. Wait a minute. That was my father looking at me. That may be a good thing or it may not. I remember someone telling my wife, before we were married, that she should picture walking down the sidewalk with her prospective father in law. If she was okay with that she should go ahead and marry me. Not sure she ever envisioned that but, truth be told, that is where things are at. Not going any further with that.

So my website was redone. In fact, added a second website. Took some time. Took some patience. Even a photo shoot. Attended a trade show. Set up a booth. Spent a day travelling the streets of Winnipeg. Handed out business cards whenever and wherever I could.

This week I was invited for lunch with someone who was wondering about me becoming involved with some of their work. This person and I have often chatted in the past and so lunch was a great idea, even if it meant catching up on old times. We had a great conversation. After lunch she asked for my card. Wanted to give it to her partners so they could contact me to pursue further business interests.

She contacted me later that afternoon. She felt bad doing it but felt compelled, as I suspect she would want if the tables were turned. She pointed out a typo on my card. It took me a while and then I saw it. It left me befuddled. How could one possibly have missed that? It was proof read time and time again. Accuracy was important. It went to the print shop. Even they missed it.

So here I sit. Hundreds of cards waiting to be handed out. All for not. I was rather disappointed, dare I say upset, when I found out. Perhaps even humiliated. What would all those people think? The ones we had been trying to advertise to. The ones we would hope would provide some opportunities.

I called my son that evening, the one that has helped me through this makeover. I told him. He cracked up laughing. He put it in perspective for me. He suggested it was both maddening and hilarious all at the same time. Talk about perspective. That was good. It got me chuckling about the error.

Not sure anyone else has noticed. Perhaps that is a good thing. Perhaps that is why my phone is not ringing. It is always good to keep things in perspective. Cards can be reprinted. And they will be. In the meantime, I suppose, I have become the town’s latest drug dealer. The mistake on my card was that my webpage had been noted as “medication” rather than “mediation”. Most times in the past when I have given out my website or email address people make the mistake of writing “meditation” rather than “mediation”. This is a first. The mistake does make me wonder if I could take advantage of this. Increase my income. Sell some drugs. Then again I may not want the consequences of that venture. Perhaps I will simply get the mistake corrected and carry on with what I am doing. Perhaps I will meditate. Might be best. Make it a good one.

Fools, Fanatics, Or Wise

What do they say? An idle mind is the devil’s workshop? Not sure how that goes but me thinks I can relate. Sunday morning started out with some promise. As one eye opened I saw the sunrise. My heart leapt with joy. I had gone to bed the night before thinking my golf game would be rained out. Here I found myself hoping. I jumped out of bed, and if you believe that I have some other stories for you, to check the forecast. Truth be told I dragged my sorry butt out of bed to see what awaited me.

To the east the sky looked clear. Although I would not know that because our house is not in line with the world. What would appear to be east is actually more north. To the west I saw clouds. Although, again, to the west is actually more to the south. However, if all else fails, check the internet. Ooops. Does not look good. Rain coming. What to do?

Ended up sitting at home all day. Never sure what the weather would do. Not a problem except midway through the afternoon my wife and I found ourselves gazing out the window at our deck. We had known for a while that work would have to be done but were not sure whether we had the energy or resources to do what needed to be done. I suppose it was a weak moment. Perhaps the monotony was a driving force. Call it what you may. We decided it was time. At least to do part of it.

So I started. Now wishing I had not. What earlier looked like a doable project has turned into a muscle aching, heart rendering project that may never end. Okay. I may be overstating that. But I do hurt. And to think I have a golf game to maintain. Wait a minute. There is nothing to maintain. That too, is a work in progress.

So part way through this week my son sent me a quote. It got me thinking, which comes as no surprise to most of you. Thinking about quotes is what I do best. Here goes. “The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are so certain of themselves but wise people are so full of doubt.” (Bertrand Russell)

Perhaps I may go where I should not. But I will. I find it interesting how people have certain opinions. They stand staunchly for what they believe in. Sometimes I wonder if they have actually thought this through. Whether politically, religiously or any other way there might be, people hang their hats on certain beliefs and stand by that. They maintain that their beliefs or opinions are the one and only.

Sometimes I am envious of those people. Perhaps it makes the world easier to understand. Then again how do I understand when I discover that there are many that have different belief systems than I do? There are many that are experiencing life in a different way than I am. There are cultural differences. As far as I am concerned we do not live in a black and white world. There are various, dare I say many, different shades of gray. We must remain cognizant of that.

Having said that I will quit while I am ahead, if that is possible. So at the end of it all I am still uncertain which category I fall into. A fool, fanatic, or someone that is filled with doubts? I know I am filled with doubts. Whether politically, spiritually, or in any other sense of this world I live in. Does that make me wise? Me thinks not. But I am working on it. Make it a good one.

The Things We Do

I just read a short blurb by Richard Branson. Now let me make this very clear. I am not a big fan of his. Okay, truth be told, I wouldn’t mind having some of his money and how about that hair. However in the blurb he says, and I quote; “If I were 22, I would be out working hard, playing hard and having the time of my life. Hang on, what's the difference between 22 and 63?” What a great thought.

How often do I get caught up in the past and what might have been and forget to live my life? Sorry, didn’t mean to ask you that question. I suspect anyone that reads my blurbs will suggest the answer to the question is, far too often. As humans we seem to have this innate desire to blame everything on the past and then we forget to live.

Sometimes I even forget the fact that I am living and that there are good thing happening in life. A friend asked me this morning how my weekend had been. My first inclination was to respond by saying it was a weekend. Why would I say anything else? After all my mind was consumed by challenges in my life.

When I finally did respond it went like this. I golfed Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Twice with friends from the community and once with my daughter’s boyfriend. Saturday our grandson came over to spend the night. Sunday morning the kids all came over for brunch cooked by our daughter. Monday I built a coffee table with my daughter. What the heck. I had an awesome weekend.

You heard me right. I built a coffee table. My daughter had found some wood that she thought would look good as a coffee table top. Add to that a naivety about her father’s carpentry skills and we have a project. Okay, truth be told, there is another part to this story. I tried to find every excuse in the book to get out of doing this. No excuse worked. And then my daughter used the ultimate tool. Guilt. Manipulation by guilt. My mother would have been proud. My daughter commented on how often I had taken her brothers golfing but never done anything for her. So in her opinion it was a done deal. At that point whether I had the skills to do this or not, it was going to happen.

Now you must know that I do have certain carpentry skills. I have built some things in my life. However you must also understand that if there was not a chainsaw around I would not even consider starting the project. A chainsaw was a necessity. And quite useful I might add. For coffee tables, not so much.

It did happen. I came to understand that with a little planning, which only involved three trips to Home Depot, a great deal of patience and lots of encouragement from my wife and daughter, I did have the ability to complete the project. It was fun. It turned out okay. Perhaps this can become a new career for me. Building furniture.

Don’t place your orders just yet. I think I need some practice. Perhaps even a diagram. Last night as I was reveling in what I had accomplished I realized we had forgotten an important piece. However the consensus was that it looked good, no further work required. Any flaws there were would get covered by paint. Works for me. Mission accomplished. Make it a good one.

Don’t Sell Yourself Short

As I alluded to some time ago I am in the process of re-inventing my business. It was time to freshen up. Get with the now. With the type of business I have this becomes a difficult task for me. I am not selling a product. I am selling a service and to sell a service you need to sell yourself and to sell yourself you have to portray a certain confidence.

My son and I, bless his soul, took to the streets of Winnipeg this week. Seek out businesses that could, perhaps, use my services. Notice? Even in that statement I sound apologetic. My son embraced the job with enthusiasm. He approached the job with confidence. There was nothing holding him back. He jumped in with both feet. It was really neat to watch.

One of the places we went to, and it shall remain nameless although their receptionist needs a lesson in how to greet people, my son went into his spiel and tripped over his sales pitch. We walked out. He was mad at himself. He gave himself a tongue lashing. I took some comfort from that because that is a regular occurrence for me. I told him to get over it. I can preach it even if I can’t practice it.

We drove further down the street and a business caught my son’s eye. He said we needed to go there. He knew someone there. We pulled in, he grabbed some brochures, and confidently entered the business. My excuse for not going with him was that I needed to make a really important phone call. When he came out he was all smiles. It had been a success. People were interested. He felt he had redeemed himself.

I suggested to him that our mission that day was similar to a game of golf. You go out. You start whacking the ball. You have all sorts of expectations. And then reality hits. But as you all know, at least if you are a golfer, you make one good shot, you have one good hole, you know you will be back tomorrow. In fact there are some of us who don’t even have to have a good hole to come back the next day.

My son looked at me and informed me that there is actually a name for this. It is called intermittent positive reinforcement. He explained that gamblers often fall into this trap. The concept is simple enough. One small win and we are fooled into thinking that losing is impossible. Whether golf, gambling, our workplace, dare I say kids, perhaps even relationships, that becomes our mindset.

We know full well that nobody ever has only positive events in their lives. At least I don’t think so. Now, perhaps, if I was in perfect health, lots of money, good relationships, good job, although why would I need a job if I have lots of money, weather was always perfect, golf shots always went as planned, and there were absolutely no challenges in life, my life would be perfect, right? Probably not.

So we carry on. We have challenges that arise. How we deal with these challenges becomes the issue. The other day, as I was traveling into the city not feeling very good about my lot in life, I began to think of all the positive blessings I have in my life. I found my mood getting better. In some unknown way I was utilizing intermittent positive reinforcement. To me that helped in regaining focus on life. The kind of focus that helps me move forward. The kind of focus that helps me carry on in a positive way. The kind of positive that helps me get up in the morning to face the day. The kind of positive reinforcement I wish on all. Perhaps it is in our control. Think about it. Make it a good one.